Miller Morning Madhouse S1E4: Smokestack Jack and the Tiny Hands...

All you guys do is just sit

up

there and talk about how fucking cool you are.

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So I just want everybody to know whenever I'm in Miller Beach, always listen to my favorite show, the Miller Mornings You. Beautiful show. Great show. Turn Me On by my friend, Granite Chez Jew, genetic freak man with a sideways heart. Told me about it.

My friend, Jerry Pancake and Josh Scramble, doing the funniest things, beautiful things in the morning show. Gotta love it. All kinds of goofy stuff. Very informative. Very good.

You gotta give it a listen on WSPR, best station ever. Most populous station between Russian Ripley. Kind of a small market, but a great market. Beautiful market. Give it a listen.

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Welcome back to the Miller Morning Mad House, everybody. First of all, thank you for listening. My name is Jerry Pancake, and I am here with my brother from another mother, Josh Scramble. In this episode, we're serving up a toast to the wild side with tales of throuples and the undeniable allure of warm vodka. But before you dive in, don't forget to hit that rate button.

Every rating helps us stay on the air and out of the vodka aisle. Big thanks to socool shirts.com for keeping us looking sharp. And a heads up to join us at all ingest trivia with Josh Gramble at the Marshall J Gardner Center on the day after Thanksgiving or Black Friday as some people call it. It's trivia post turkey style, stretchy pants, optional, but highly recommended, and you can also get those at socoolshirts.com. Alright.

Welcome back to the Miller Morning Madhouse. So one of the ideas that we were presented, this one by a fan, Rank the top 5 weirdest things you found on Miller Beach this week, and instead I'm gonna spin that a little bit. I'm gonna spin it to maybe the top. We'll just do the top 2 weirdest things that had happened on the beach this this, season. So many things to choose from.

There is, but one is very it's a standout for me. So we, we were on the beach one morning, me and, missus pancake, and, we were all relaxing, having a nice just a nice calm day. It was during the week, I think.

So weekday. So no weirdos should be around quite early. Theoretically. Theoretically. Yeah.

I get it.

Everything here is theoretical for sure. So we're down there and, there is a couple of neighbors come down and, there's 3 of them in fact, and they are in they're in the mood for a couple things. One of them was

warm straight vodka in a used Gatorade bottle that we were offered, so it was very sweet of her to offer us.

Very generous, but I usually have a policy to only drink out of a Gatorade bottle when I hear the seal crack.

Well, it was unusual in the fact that it was it was kind of a morning ish time. It's a proper brunch hour. Yeah. And you so my first thought was, like, what happened to the Gatorade? Because couldn't you have just drank half the Gatorade?

Dump the vodka in.

Yeah. Or just mixed it in a with a dip something else? Well, that would be discretion, and

a lot of people don't have that. I mean

But didn't even have a mixer or ice Just straight

warm vodka.

Straight warm vodka. So needless to say, I took a swig of it, because just just because it's You have to be polite, here, and it was it was terrible. I don't know what kind of vodka, maybe Kirkland or something. One of those.

That's way too high class for a clear for a used Gatorade bottle. You're talking it's Skoll or Popov? Like,

one

of those really it the it's a plastic container, you know.

Yeah. Well, they had it's then that negates the reason to put it in another plastic container.

Maybe they had it in a very large cheap container.

Oh, so he didn't wanna bring the gallon down just to quart?

No. He just wanted a little bit of a time. He is not he you know, he wants to travel and drink and then come home and drink.

And then if he got pulled over by the cops, of course, they wouldn't know that it was vodka in there. You could just say it was water.

I'm well, I mean, you could, but the overwhelming smell of shame and disgust and booze on you would probably give away that it's not water.

So yeah. And so the other thing was there were 3 of the people.

I was just going to ask. You mentioned there were 3, which seems like an odd number of people to be hanging out.

Well, it's it's a throuple situation. I don't know if you know what those are, Josh Scramble.

I I now that you mentioned that, I know exactly who I think I know who you're talking about. But You

don't wanna point them out. No. Whatever works for you, I certainly, it will never talk against it. I have not tried it personally. It seems very, very complicated.

Well, I don't like to share, like, anything. Like, I

You you have that reputation. Food?

Oh, no. No. I yeah. I will not give you a French fry, so I'm not gonna give you my main fry. Like, back the fuck off.

Like no. But I don't like to share. And I mean, my theory always has been. I have never tried the, manhage as some would say. But, my theory is, you know, if you're going to bring in a extra member of the cast for your activities, it's usually better to be single because, you know, if you've been eating the same cereal for a decade and, you know, all of a sudden one morning you get some Captain Crunch.

Captain Crunch instead of some Cheerios. You start eating that for a while and think

You're gonna like that sugar for sure.

And then, like, you know, 2 months down the road, you think, oh, shit. I haven't had Cheerios, and and I don't wanna go back to heart healthy. I want my sugary Captain Crunch

in my mouth. Well, my grandpappy, gave me that advice when I was a young child. Wait. I My grandpa, grandpa pancake, he said, don't ever do the swinger stuff.

And I

didn't know what he was talking about. I was on a swing. Oh, wow. Yeah. And he just random he was sometimes, he would just randomly try to teach me these lessons even though I was 4 years old and just say, like, maybe it'll, you know, stick in his head later in life.

He'll and and that's what he would say. He said later in life, you'll know what I'm talking about.

So did it, like, kids ever get hurt on the playground on the swings and then you just run around, that's what my grandpa told me. Don't play in those swingings.

I mean, it my parents and my grandparents may be afraid of everything. That actually is on brand. And, also, also, when we moved here, I automatically assume that every single couple here, including you, Josh Scramble, that everybody was swingers.

I I could see that, but, no, I obviously am not. And if

I don't know you and you come up to me as a couple here, I will assume that still.

You will assume that. You will assume that a proposition is coming in?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like Well,

I mean, you do have some net you do have some nice flapjacks there for Jerry Pancake, I will say. So, I mean, you're a prime target for a throuple.

But I'm not available for a throuple. I I I have weird intimacy stuff as you can only imagine if you know me. And I, like, I don't want a third person to deal with.

It's been enough dealing with 1 person, let alone a second. Like, you know, those mornings you just wake up and you just think to yourself, if everyone would just leave me alone for 5 minutes and you have that, like, you know, God forbid your wife or husband or whatever just like not that they're trying to do anything but bugs you, and you're like, I just wanna sit here and do nothing. And then having it twice, like, I just

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WSPR Super Beach Radio, the best station between Rush and Ripley.

Miller Beach. This is your girl Gwyneth. When I'm hanging out at Flamingos, I light a candle and put on the Miller morning madhouse with Jerry Pancake and Josh Scramble.

So, yeah, that's me every single day of the week, Josh. Well, I don't like, I'll be in the kitchen, you know, like, I don't know, making getting a cup of coffee, and, Jen Pancake will wander in there. And she's always sneaks up, but, like, she's the sneakiest. Like a ninja? Yeah.

And then I'll go, ah, like, it'll she'll scare me, and then she'll laugh. And she's like, do you didn't hear me, like, walking through the house? And I'm like, no. I was just focused on my the voices in my own head. Like, they're loud in the morning.

I can't you can't sneak up on me like that. But, yeah, I I I don't, I don't wanna have a throuple, but it's interesting. Those those were a couple things that happened at the same time on the beach to me. Have you any any weird interactions this season?

Oh, when are they're not weird interactions on the beach? On the beach, off the beach. Also, I'm I think I just have a face that says, please come talk to me if you don't know me. Like, the number of times I've just been approached by people, like, hey, like, hello. Like, I don't really wanna talk to strangers.

I will, but, like, most of them suck. And for some reason, especially, like, children children and special needs kids love me or special needs people, I should just say, love me to death and, like, engage me. I make zero eye contact, yet I still get the approach of, like, hey. I wanna hang out with you all night.

Oh, yeah. Crazy people are they are drawn to me as well. Like, in New Orleans, I almost had a nervous breakdown during COVID because there is this guy trying to make some joke about my shoes. Like, where where are your shoes at or whatever, and you're supposed to say, like,

whatever street. He knows where you bought your share, where you got your

Yeah. Like, yeah. Like, on Duval Street or something you're supposed to say shit. And it was eerie because we went during COVID, so, like, there's no one out except for this crazy guy and he so, of course, makes a beeline to me and, like, I just told him, get away from me. And then I like, he went away and I was like, you know, it's COVID.

You gotta stay away from people. And then he got mad because I didn't give him any money. And then so we walked like a different way and, toward the river and that was a, treat because, someone was bathing in the filthy Mississippi River, and they were fully nude.

Well, taking a bar of soap into the Mississippi River down there is pointless because, like you said, it's filthy.

Also, like, why are you doing full nude?

It is New Orleans.

But, like, you could have your underwear on or swimsuit.

Mister pancake, I think once you get in the water with the idea of bathing in public, I think all bets are off then, like

I guess if you only have one set of clothes, you don't wanna get your one underwear

wet. Yeah. You're one underwear.

But it probably needs to be washed.

The most critical piece of

clothing you own. It was like, you know, it's 95 degrees or whatever. So, like, you're it's not gonna not dry out. Were you

there in the summer when this happened? Yeah.

It was the summer of COVID road trip.

Wow. Summer COVID, and you went to one of the most packed places on earth?

There was no it was very it made it worse because there was no one. Every single thing was closed, except for the graveyard. So needless to say, it didn't help, my mental situation at the time. But, yeah, these interactions with people that you don't wanna talk to, like, I don't wanna make eye contact with anyone.

It it doesn't help. That that's my rule of thumb. No eye contact. Prime example. Me and miss Scramble were going to dinner in the city, and we were walking there.

I'm wearing a Beatles shirt, and this woman just stops me. Like, full on stops you. Like, oh, can I say something about your shirt? And I'm like, okay. And she wasn't crazy or anything.

She's like, I'm expecting, oh, I had sex with John Lennon or,

you know, I was Oh, that would be a good story.

I knew Ringo's brother or Yeah. You know, something like that. No. It was just like, I still love that album so much. Like, I I just love that shirt.

It's like, yeah. I think a lot of people like Abbey Road, like No

one no one liked The Beatles. Yeah.

Yeah. I was expecting some landmark, like, oh, yeah.

And there are I don't know if anyone knows this. There might not be as many Beatles shirts as Jerry Clemens bootleg shirts, but you could probably get a Beatles shirt at, like, Target or

I would think. I mean, it's

a bigger market than They are they the most popular band of all time, probably? I mean, yeah.

You have to put it up there. Behind Stones. I mean, you could easily get a shirt. It's not like they're getting hacked

and, you know No.

And putting Paul McCartney's face on panties.

So there might be a lot of people wearing Beatles shirts enough so that the lady shouldn't probably talk to every single person.

That's what I'm saying. Like, how many people wear something, like do you walk up to everyone with a Rolling Stones logo? Be like, oh my god. I love that. Like, just shut up and keep walking.

No. I I love Van Halen, but if I see someone wearing a Van Halen shirt, I don't talk to him.

I don't

know him or not. I don't need another friend.

No. I I don't hey. I get you. My

I got just a short amount of time.

We've probably got a few we could, like, kick to the curb, honestly.

Good morning, America.

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All you guys do is just sit up there

and talk about how fucking cool you are.

Miller Beach, this is your president. When I'm hanging out at Flamingos, I light a camel and put on the Miller Morning Mad House with Jerry Pancake and Josh Scramble.

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Alright, folks. That's it for today's episode of the Miller Morning Mad House. Big thanks to our sponsors, So Cool Shirts, where bad decisions become great fashion. Check them out for your next questionable t shirt. And don't forget, I'll ingest trivia with Josh Scramble hosted at the Marshall j Gardner Center.

It's the only trivia night where the questions are just as unpredictable as the answers. Join us if you dare. And a shout out to the Miller Community Theater, also at the Marshall J Gardner Center, where the local stars shine bright. Big thanks to the MBACD for hosting these awesome events and making Miller Beach the place to be. So we've got a special treat for the end of this episode and it is a preview of our next episode.

We have a couple weeks where we're probably gonna be off, but, we have kind of a behind the music episode that we are going to do for, Josh Scramble. And, it turns out, he may have lied on his resume for this show. He he has worked before in media and, went under the name of Chuck Roundsteak. So stick around for this preview of next week's episode. I think you will enjoy it.

Oh, and I like to be perceived by my viewers. And I usually say, well, that guy's probably an asshole, but, God, he read the shit out of that news. Actually, it still holds true with what I think.

He's brash?

Hi. I'm Chuck Roundsteak, and my dad can kick your dad's ass. Straightforward. If you don't

like mosquitoes, here's a story sure to piss you off.

And the most unique news anchor arrived.

I'm not wearing any pants, and this is Adjust Your Land news.

We speak, of course, about the one, the only, Chuck Roundstick. Born to Angus and Philly Brown State, some would say he had a misspent youth. Watching every movie in the house and hours of television, it was easy to see this young boy had one dream, to be on television.

I went to school for television production, and after graduation, I worked at J and N for several years behind the scenes. I was making overlays, editing segment pieces, dealing with the chaos of last minute changes. It was a really great experience to start with. Then one day, they announced they were starting production on a new entertainment show much like Entertainment Tonight or Extra. Few people thought I should try, and so I did.

And somehow, I ended up with a job. Guess who made a surprise appearance last night at the premiere? We bet you can't. I'm sorry. Can we just do this like it's not the world's biggest suck ass reading this?

I mean, wouldn't it be a lot easier if we just did it straightforward? I always have been honest with my delivery. I've always hated people who acted the news. You can always tell they're full of shit. People weren't stupid for better or worse.

It worked out for me.

On September 9, 1988, the world got its first view of eye on Just a Land with anchor Chuck Ralston.

Miami Vice, great show, our greatest show ever. We take a look at where it ranks among TV's best. Also, we have Bruce Willis in the studio talking about his next move after the success of Die Hard. I'm Chuck Rouncey. That and more on tonight's Eye on Jesterland.

Bam's a bam. What's a bam? Well, you wouldn't even know.

Outlets? Do you understand the words that were coming out of my

mouth?

You speak it in English?