Advent 2025 E9 - What Would Bob Barker Do?

A micro-dose of smart-ass notes to listen while it snows.

December 9th here we go a uh another rant from joshua scramble unexpected this

one this one came out of nowhere i'm gonna personally slap you in the face if

i find out you did this and did it wrong um don't buy a pet for christmas who

the buys pets for pieces of because.

You need to consider that it's a lifelong commitment yes and people don't do

that is a 20 year sentence at least 20.

No but people especially they'll buy like this happens at

um easter a lot people buy chicks bunnies bunny

bunnies are the worst because people don't realize

like definitely childhood story bunnies are

very difficult to take care of they're like oh my god this chick

baby chick just shits all over the house and then

people get rid of them like Fucking asshole So like

We got a bunny Also don't buy An animal

There are not Enough that are Needing homes Go

to your local Humane society And adopt one Or if

you live in Miller Just wait five minutes And one will show up At your door

Yeah If you go outside For like an hour At any point You will see a stray dog

Yeah Something will come up to you But like Are there pet stores Still that

like Oh yeah Retail pet stores In Portage Is that one still there In Portage

Where they're like Right by Leslie's Pools?

I think it is, yeah. I don't know if they have fish and stuff,

but they don't have animals.

If you want to buy a fish for Christmas, go ahead. Those are easy to maintain.

You have puppies there? I'm pretty sure, right?

Good thing I didn't go back there. I would have got a puppy.

I don't go into those pet stores. No, I don't either. It's hard to say no.

But a fish tank, that's a good pet for a kid. And it's a great pet for you because

you could drive halfway across the country in the backseat. If you're kidding. Yeah.

I did. So I was looking at some childhood pictures the other night.

And we did have like an aquarium when I was a very small kid.

That is the one exception I'll make. If you want to buy a fish,

I will be on board. I wouldn't mention it. Buy a fish. They're cheap and they're easy to maintain.

I bet that quickly got thrown out, though, once my dad realized that he had to take care of it.

Or feed it. Or actually get food for it. Yeah, and it got dirty.

And also, like, fucktard kids don't know how to take care of an animal.

So don't buy one thinking that you're a little shittaker. No,

you're going to be banging on the thing. You got to take care of it if we get

you one. You know that's not going to happen.

Why do you do that as a parent? There are high expectations for your child who

is not going to take care of this. Remember those fucking turtles?

No one's scooping the litter box every day. Remember those turtles that Kira Pancake got?

Kira Pancake wanted some turtles. Oh, yeah. Took them home from Florida.

She wasn't even a child. She took them from nature?

No, you could buy them at a store, a souvenir store. I hate fucking people.

You should hate Florida for that. That's a Florida thing. So you know what drives

me nuts? She fucking had these things for like three years. And you guys were

witness to this shit. She went to college.

It was so bad. Another side rant about turtles. You know what fucking irritates

the living bejesus out of me? And you did this. Not Ford. No.

When you go and, like, the people that watch the fucking sea turtles.

Like, how about this? Leave the fucking sea turtles alone. We fucked them up enough.

They told me I couldn't touch them. I didn't. Except for the one I stepped on.

He was fine, though. He crawled right out of the sand. God, that was such a

waste of our time. They were just in a bucket.

I can't get any of that back because it seemed very sad. You liked it.

No, but that's my, like, these fucking... It was sad.

Like, that fucking turtle's gonna get fucked up by a shark or something, for sure.

Well, little do most people know. Like, the turtles are the size of,

like, my fist. Well, do you know that 95% of them die on that? Yeah, they told us.

And I was like, oh, great, awesome, I'm glad I came to see them walk to their death.

And it's total white people shit. Like, let's go see the turtle, like, no.

Oh, man, it was the highlight of my turtle. Oh, yeah, she had her feet in the

water, watching the turtles. Oh, amazing.

Stupid. Anyway. Hey, you know what I didn't do? Bring them home as my pet.

Good. Well, thank you for that. Yeah, and then she set them free in Lake Michigan.

Yeah, saltwater turtle. No, she did not. She did. She took a saltwater animal

and put it in the lake. She did not put it in Lake Michigan. She did.

Can I go? She did not. Is this your niece or something? I mean,

you can rewrite it however the fuck you want, But she did that.

You are not remembering correctly.

She put them on Craigslist and they were immediately picked up.

There's only one ideal outcome to this. And it is now one quarter of the Ninja Turtles because.

I thought she just let them go in the sea. So when she was away at college.

We had to take care of these turtles for three years. Well, turtles live forever.

So I would go in there sometimes and just look at them. Turtles and birds live an eternity.

They were constantly trying to get out of the cage. Like just constant.

Cage. Well, it's like a little aquarium.

Oh, I was going to say like cage. But like they're constantly like, they just.

Climbing the wall. And I just thought, oh my, like, are they just,

is it just misery? Is this instinct?

They're in a glass cube of hell. Are they fighting? They're in a glass cube

of hell? Like I would just go in there and imagine. They probably had a lot

of turtle friends back in Florida.

Not in that souvenir shop, I bet. Anyway. Yeah. Yeah.

So don't. Please don't buy that for Christmas. And that was around Christmas,

too. Buy a stuffed animal. They're easier to maintain.

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