Advent 2025 E25 - All the Presents...

Just for you a micro dose of smart ass notes to listen while it snows,

Hello the Breakfast Bunch and welcome to our holiday edition of the Miller Morning

Madhouse and our gift to you this Christmas is an advent calendar,

a minor daily dose of all the wackiness here at the Miller Morning Madhouse,

24 days of our things about the holidays.

And we'd like to mention a sponsor, All In Just Trivia, taking place the last

Friday of most months this year.

The December game will be on the 19th, it's a little bit early.

Also we'd like to give a shout Shout out to our sponsors of Indy Indy Bang Bang,

located right on Lake Street.

Please do some of your holiday shopping local and give them a visit.

They have awesome gifts, including cards and all kinds of fun things to do for the holidays.

If you use a thing called the internet, you can go to SoCoolShirts.com,

and they have some weird-ass shirts that you might like for Christmas.

And you can give them to people, too. You can send them to people.

We have the ability to do that. So SoCoolShirts.com, visit them early and often.

And Miller Community Theater, where we just wrapped Almost Maine.

A very successful run. It was great. An upcoming 2026 season.

My personal favorite Little Shop of Horrors, April.

Urinetown. Like the P? This Breakfast Club is very fond of urine.

So we'll be doing Urinetown in July. I hope I can audition.

For that and also hope and gravity in november a sweet play um so if you are not a singer that

one might be right up your alley but also if you know any singers please send

them our way and watch for auditions audition announcements on social media

or miller community theater.com,

december 1st and now a childhood memory from jerry pancake about the holidays.

All right, I'm going to tell you a little bit about the time we moved because

of a fucking Christmas song.

That time, I was in kindergarten.

I was a little kid, I wore a clip-on tie, I wanted to be Mr. Rogers.

Like, I put on that little cardigan when I got home, it was probably super fucking

adorable. I had two different pairs of shoes, all the stuff, right?

So comes the time of the christmas program and

all the parents and the grandparents everybody gets

really excited because i'm like the like the kid like

i'm i'm gonna be performing and we you practice back then for these programs

like for weeks and weeks and weeks and i thought we sang beautifully we sang

um like deck the halls i think and then felice navidad which is a,

mexican christmas song apparently which i

didn't really even realize when i because i was just a kid so

then after that um we lived

in blue island this was about 1978 almost all of my family like we could go

to any house on the block and it was like family it was a descent which was

my mother's maiden name so we could go to any relative.

We had a little candy store, it was all walkable. The school was literally less

than a block from our house.

You know what happened after that Feliz Navidad shit?

We fucking moved. Like 20 miles south. Why did you move?

My grandma said that Mexicans were taking over the neighborhood.

We only had one Mexican kid, and his name was Scotty. So they gave him an American name.

Fit right in. He was across the street.

Everybody else was relatives of us. And we moved to fucking Frankfurt,

which had one stoplight that was blinking.

And it smelled like duck shit. They had a... The whole town?

Our subdivision, because they had a water treatment plant in the middle of the subdivision.

So it smelled like shit. I had to ride my bike like two miles to grade school.

And then the middle school wasn't even close enough to ride a bike or walk to.

You had to just take a 30-minute bus ride to it.

So thanks, Mom and Dad, for moving because you didn't like Mexicans.

And that was a childhood memory from Jerry Pancake. December 2nd.

And now, an angry rant from Joshua Scrabble for your Christmas enjoyment.

So I'm sure all of you out there in Radioland have heard this,

and it annoys the living piss out of me every time I run into it.

And it's already started pre-Christmas. Is all of a sudden, you're going to

the grocery store, you shut the door to your car, and all of a sudden you hear

that faint bell, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. and I know exactly what it is.

It's the lazy people. And I shouldn't call them lazy because they're volunteering.

But they're just, Jesus Christ. I don't know. It's old.

I think they're doing a great job if their job is to just stand there.

You walk up and all you hear is this incessant ringing of the bell.

Like, I don't know what marketing genius thought. I know how to put people to give us their money.

Ring this bell and annoy the shit out of them. Isn't that a tiny Tim?

It's aggressive. Because sometimes an angel rings the bell. that's

it's a wonderful life but oh yeah yeah

sorry but also story so i

go old timey story pancake it's not fun i hate like i get that you know people

are less fortunate and they need help and it's the salvation army i have zero

issues with your organization i just hate your marketing campaign and it's even

worse now because do you know they have like a digital like sign where Oh, they got a QR code? Yeah.

So they don't have any... Fuck QR codes. I'm sick of it.

I can tell you, I do not support their organization and don't care about it.

Well, I don't support them, but I mean, it's... I don't know.

But the ringing of the bell... And also, there's that incessant guilt.

You get the looks from those fuckers like, oh, you don't have 17 cents from the change?

I don't look at them. No change. I look down like I am. Especially in today's

digital... I don't have any cash ever.

Although every, and every year,

every year without fail, about 20th of December, you hear the stories.

And another thing from the good side of the world, someone randomly put a $2

million coin in one of the buckets.

Yeah, exactly. It's like Captain Hook's treasure.

Someone just randomly dropped it in there. Don't let the president hear about

that. It'll just take it. Why are they coming to you?

There's pirates among us. Well, speaking of pirates, you're telling me someone's

looking through those buckets and not going, that's not a regular quarter.

I mean, maybe they're really good people, but here's what I would suggest that they do.

I got a suggestion. You remember we all got that U2 album that we didn't want with an iPhone?

So, like, instead of ringing bells outside of stores, just have an app that

just rings your phone constantly until you give them money.

Ding, ding. Like your phone, you're just in the middle. You're asleep,

and it's ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

And then you have to fucking pay them five dollars or

they just keep dinging the bell what about this or

fake coins oh just slugs oh my god that sounds like something jerry's dad would

do oh yeah he was an electrician so he had a bunch of slugs we used to try and

use them on the gum machines and stuff and they would get stuck in there or what,

I think a better idea is what if the guy had a playlist just playing his own

shit and you paid him to change the song?

Yeah, get creative.

I mean, back in the 1910s, a bell was probably good enough.

People were amused by it. And I'm sure at times there's good ones,

but in Northwest India, it is the lowest.

What about a DJ? Put a DJ out there and have him just. Yeah,

that's actually not a bad idea. But it's better than just the lazy.

Because they look like drug addicts out there.

We should probably get jobs on the executive board of the Salvation Army and

get million-dollar salaries, and we'll be like, you need to change it up.

You're a DJ now, old 85-year-old man.

And you have to wear a marshmallow hood. Well, it is a marshmallow world we

live in. Because a DJ got to have an outfit.

So I need a stay-puffed marshmallow man head? The DJ is like the,

Marshmello is like the biggest DJ in the world or something right now.

What? DJ Marshmallow? I don't know what you're talking about.

That sounds totally fake. It's not fake. I'm pretty sure he made that.

It sounds like a Hallmark movie.

Anyway. I ran out to the Lighthouse Mall last Friday. Guess what?

Right outside one of the shops. Bell ringer. At a Lighthouse Mall.

What world are we living in? Not a grocery store. It was like outside of the

Puma store or something like that.

Is there a whole Puma store? There is. There is. Wow. Yeah. Do you have any Puma needs?

I like Puma. It was a good brand, but I think it was Kmart, to be honest.

You should hit them up. Their Black Friday sale is going on right now.

Anyway, any of our fans out there, if you're a bell ringer, I'm sorry if you're

insulted, but I fucking hate it.

So find a better way to get money. Get fake coins. Slugs.

December 3rd. Yet another topic that many, many, a great many people love,

but Jen Pancake really hates Black Friday.

Yeah black friday sucks do you have to be

black to shop on black friday um pancake let's keep your racist rants quiet

i'm just asking actually i think he was just possessed by grandma pancake grandma

pancake she is racist she definitely was like i get why they do it or maybe

or whatever but like so it,

It wasn't always like this. So it used to just be you had nothing to do the

day after Thanksgiving because everyone was off.

And you're like with your family who don't probably want to be around that long.

So it used to just be, hey, we're just going to go shopping tomorrow.

It's the holiday season. It'll be fun.

Well, it used to be. Like, people used to enjoy it, and I worked retail.

But then I worked at the Disney store.

Holy shit. You guys didn't know this? This is a revelation, my friend.

I think, right? I did not know this. I was the guy. Oh, my God.

Do you still have the uniform? Put that on. I don't. I got rid of that.

It wasn't much of a uniform. It was just a denim shirt. Yeah.

At the mall? At the Southlake Mall. Oh, man. You worked in the mall? That's coveted, man.

Jerry likes that. I always wanted to work in the mall. I had to work mall adjacent.

I wasn't good enough for the...

I was just in the outer loop of the

were you in high school no it was my second job

out of high school i was a bank teller for a year and then i worked at the disney

store they let you work at a bank why didn't you want to just

be a bank teller forever you could own a bank right now

probably because they cut my hours to four a week and i had bank tellers don't

really move up i don't think do they they do but my guy the guy who ran my branch

was also a fucking asshole like he was accused of sexual harassment multiple

times so he probably runs the whole bank now no he He actually got fired from that bank,

but they used to call our branch the Barbie branch because they used to have

the young, attractive women working there.

So I think he was playing great. Which one was it?

It was, well, they're closed now, so fuck them. It was First National Bank in Portage.

It's now a first source, but you know where the Dunkin' Donuts is?

Caddy Corner? That was my branch. Dunkin' Donuts. Okay. Anyway, we're going.

We don't have time to. Anyway, it used to be normal, but then all the marketing people,

well, if we get them in the stores early and then

they used to do the like if you're there so the disney store was

infamous if you were there before 10 o'clock they'd give you

an extra 25 off your order or your

shopping well i guess that's fine and then everyone

else that's when the door's a lot off i know

well if you got there at 6 a.m when you're when your merchandise is

one million dollars but yeah that too but i

mean it was not unheard of to have like five

but then my manager always put me in charge like five

six hundred dollar transactions black friday we cleaned up

well i should say disney corporation cleaned

up josh graham didn't see shit of course

you didn't no one ever sees shit that's the

point why do we give a crap about whether they make their red line black or

whatever well it's black because that's the do you know the source of the name

yeah well isn't that what it is they want to get it to get into the black so

they used to they called it Black Friday was because that was the day that most

retail stores went from the red to the black.

I understand that. But you know what? Fuck all of them. Oh, no. I don't care.

Well, also they say if you. We should be going to Indy Indy Bang Bang.

Amen. Or we should be going to.

Somewhere local. Somewhere local. Your local drug dealer probably could use

the money. Or you should go to your local artisans and buy their crafts.

Or how about this? Crafts, not crafts. Don't buy homemade alcohol from anyone.

No. Not recommended. No.

But. I would totally do that. But I love.

No, Indy Indy Bang Bang. I know they're one of our sponsors for this,

and God bless them, but they have, you literally go in there and I will buy

just cards for birthdays and Christmas, all that, because they have great ones.

For any listeners out there, I want everything in that store.

So that is always an option. I especially like the socks. They have a lot of

cool socks. Great socks.

I have a pair I bought from there that says, I guess saying go fuck yourself

would not be professional. Yeah.

Jerry's favorite, nobody cares. Nobody cares. I got those socks there.

And they look like the Bears socks.

You got pizza socks, all kinds of socks. All kinds. They're awesome.

But yes, Black Friday, also a tip to our listeners. If you wait,

usually you will get almost the same exact deals a couple of weeks later.

Still well in time for Christmas.

It's all garbage anyways, except for those big screen TVs.

We got to clean up on those. I just saw a 65 inch high def 4K TV in Meijer today. I think it was $85.

Are you serious? I swear to God. Well, I got that one like this one that you can't see.

I mean, it might have been a Fisher-Price. It's a cool studio.

It's a 65-inch. It was $200 out the door.

I'm not sure. And that was a couple years ago. I mean, like I really hate just

almost everything about Christmas, but Black Friday might be one of,

like it's high up there on my list.

Yeah, it's not fun. I don't think it's fun to work on Black Friday.

I'm never going overnight working.

Actually, it wasn't bad because I got there early enough.

And my, like I said, my boss is just like, just run the registers.

You stay up there all day. Keep that going well.

Working it as long as you didn't have to move around was not as long as you

didn't have to do a whole lot of effort, which I didn't because I had to lock down.

It's not bad. I went to a Black Friday sale once because we were going to get

my grandfather computer and Best Buy had one for like 200 bucks.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Did you take a tent?

No. We drove up. I walked in, immediately walked right back outside. We're going home.

Sorry, Grandpa. I'll pay the extra. You're not going to be able to look at the porn tonight.

Yeah, I know. So speaking of Black

Friday On Black Friday sounds like The seventh circle of hell I'm just gonna

say that Sorry Chrissy Kringle aka Chrissy Count No offense So speaking of Black

Friday SoCoolShirts.com Black Friday Sale It's a BOGO.

BOGO Anyway if you buy Two

or more Shirts you get 50% off of the second

and third or fourth or fifth shirt so

you can just buy a bunch alright there you go

shop local yeah cyber monday December 4th

so if there are any children listening please

one stop listening to our show period what the

fuck are you doing but uh the next

topic will be the next topic will definitely be

uh will ruin your life but Jen

Pancake when did you first realize Santa wasn't real

so I think I was either three or four oh my god that's early oh so that's gonna

be a record I could only and well this is a testament to one my insane ridiculous

memory like from very young and also my insane,

desire to just know everything that i shouldn't know um and always what did

your grandma call you she called me the snoop.

So i'm three or four whatever it was i don't even know but it was definitely

before kindergarten i know that um and i i know it's nuts so i was always fascinated

with my mom and dad's bedroom I don't know if that was a thing for anybody else,

but it was all the mysteries of the world were in there.

They locked it a lot. I needed to be in there all the time.

Well, they should. You don't get to see the things that I saw in my mom and dad's bedroom.

My parents' bedroom all was locked. I barely saw the inside of them.

That's where they locked all the Christmas gifts, too. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The closet.

It was right in their closet.

But my mom, much like I do now, it's so funny. That is, I'm just realizing this

right this moment that my closet looks exactly like my mom's did when I was

little. It was just a mound of shoes.

No organized order.

Piles of everything. Just a pile of shoes. But I loved it. And it was mostly

shoes she didn't wear, much also like mine.

And I would just go through them and look at all the shoes and try the shoes

on. And so one day I just went into the closet to look at the shoes,

the comforting pile of shoes.

And in there were a bunch of toys.

And I'm like, well, what's all these toys doing in here? I feel like I knew immediately.

But, of course, the confirmation came on Christmas morning when,

oh, here's all those toys.

Oh, that's the stuff you saw. Well, I will say that in our parents' defense,

it took an amazing amount of patience to.

To like because sometimes they would store those

toys for like a half of a

year we had a really we had a really small house so i'll

say my parents did that once and hit it

in plain sight and i feel this i still feel stupid for not catching on to something

hit him in plain sight are you jerry pancake he can't find anything ever i had

known that santa wasn't real by this point i think i think it was like when

most kids find out like nine or ten you know the school not four No,

but, you know, it's the typical,

like, at school, well, you know, Santa's not real. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, someone ratted it out for you. Yeah, oh, I found an Atari in my mom's closet

or whatever. I was a very...

Kids, if you are listening, don't tell your friends. Yeah, but I was very...

I used to go through, like, the catalogs and, like, this is what I want, my list. This circle?

This page, this item number, this cost. The wish book.

Yeah. So one year I wanted like, you know, the shelf stereo system with the

CD changer and all that shit.

So I picked out one. I didn't want to like, hey, I want this massive one.

I'm like, here's one. It'll work. Here's a range.

Yeah. So my mom worked as a district manager in retail and she bought a different

stereo, a better one, and had it under her desk.

And I'm like, this will tell you how old this was. It was from the Spiegel catalog.

Ooh, that Spiegel was a high-end. Oh, I love that Spiegel catalog.

Well, she worked for Eddie Bauer, which at the same point was connected,

and she got a discount. So she bought the stereo.

And I'm like, well, that's not what I was wanting.

And she's like, oh, no. And this was like July.

I don't know why I hit it. Because I just wanted one, and I'm like,

hey, can we get this? Whatever. Anyway.

So, picked it out, and they bought this different one. It was massive.

The box was huge, like probably two feet by four feet because all the styrofoam and shit.

And they just had it crammed under the desk. And they're like,

oh, no, that's not yours.

That's for a store where we're remodeling. That's going to be the new stereo

for the audio. You asked them if it was yours?

No, I'm like, because I thought that's not the one that I had picked out in the catalog.

Then it came, and they're like, oh, no, we ordered a different one. Oh, so they tricked you.

Oh, no, they didn't trick me. They lied. They just flat out lied to my face.

That's tricky. so months and months go by and my dumb ass doesn't catch on i

was like oh yes for what because she used to bring shit home from the stores

all the time christmas morning,

walk down there it is wrapped i

unwrap this thing and i don't even like get happy i

just look at i'm like you told me this was for one of your stores about the

same tone and they're like and you didn't buy you believed it too like so low

effort yeah such little left i don't know like i don't like i think i probably had to be.

I was older when I figured it out. I didn't let on. Like, probably nine.

I didn't tell anybody that I knew. I want to say nine times is what I knew.

I played their game for the next few years.

But I didn't tell my brother or sister.

You can't do that. As much of a dick as I am in real life. I didn't tell kids

at school because I'm not an asshole. Yeah.

I was like, they need to believe in this.

Yeah. You saved it for like you were really better. So what I would do,

because I did eventually figure it out, I would influence my brother and sisters,

what they circled in the book.

So that it maybe would like my the one I think was that when the Nintendo first

came out and I told my little brother, I'm like, you should ask for that Nintendo. Yeah.

Nice. Because then I would get a benefit from their gifts. You would get a Nintendo

and then also. And I had my sister get a Teddy Ruxpin or ask for that.

Because you wanted to play Metallica. Yeah, I wanted to play like Van Halen

tapes in it and see what it did or whatever. Psycho.

Yeah, so anyway, the pancake house. Yeah.

Every year, there was less and less effort being made in to hide the gifts.

I didn't give a shit. One day, we came home from my grandparents,

which is always where we had Christmas.

And I don't even remember. I was having maybe a late-night snack of a bowl of

cereal or something. I don't know.

But either way, the gifts had now moved from the basement.

Because eventually, she started putting them in the basement rather than in her closet.

But now now she had moved them from the

basement up to just under the kitchen table so

i was eating a snack and under the

table there were all the gifts i'm like well this is just bullshit yeah at eight

or whatever not probably not even eight probably five six well there's i mean

a household of children they're gonna find it yeah my mom did the santa claus

bullshit until we were teenagers Like, you know, like,

and then it'd be like, all right, if you, if you, yeah.

No, you get the cigarettes for Easter.

December 5th. So here's a topic very close to my heart around the holidays.

Favorite Christmas movie, least favorite Christmas movie.

Opinions. Oh, favorite and least favorite? Like, what movie do you have to see

around the holidays, and what movie do you never want to see again?

Well, I'll tell you right now, I don't have to see any of them. I prefer it that way.

However, I would pick Elf.

I love Will Ferrell. I don't care what anyone says. It's a good one. I like that one.

It's a good one, because he's not being Will Ferrell, for the most part. It's just funny.

It's a good holiday movie. When he eats those cotton balls, I laugh every single

time. So apparently the spaghetti and syrup scene, like it was actually spaghetti.

I don't like that. And was imprompted.

Of course it was. Imprompt? Imprompt. He's a genius. Was not in the script.

All you Will Ferrell haters out there can suck it because he's the funniest

man on the planet. He is very funny.

I would like him to see do Elf in the character that he plays on the Eastbound and Down.

Ashley Schaefer. Ashley Schaefer as Elf, I think, with the hair.

But anyway. My least favorite?

Toss-up between...

Home Alone, and what's the other one that everyone loves that I... Christmas Story.

No, I'm fine with that one. Not a big fan of that one. Chevy Chase.

Oh, National Ipoon's Christmas Vacation. That's my favorite Christmas movie.

Hate it. That's my favorite Christmas movie, and stop slandering it.

A Christmas Story can fuck off in the ass.

It's the worst movie. I hate that kid.

I hate the dad I hate the stupid lamp I hate the mom I hate the house I hate

every fucking thing about A Christmas Story because I hate the 1950s fuck the

50s I don't care if you grew up there what about when the little piggy eats the mashed potatoes no.

I can go with him on it I do not like that movie and gasoline on that fire I'm

sure you had to be livid when TNT used to do the 24 hours of A Christmas Story

Jerry, fuck the dad in that movie.

The dad's a dick. Did Kira and Kyle like it?

Did they want to watch it all the time? No, they fucking like Elf and like normal good Christmas.

No, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is the best Christmas movie.

You just told me to stop slandering that. Leslie Vate hates that movie. Does she? Yeah.

Hell yeah. Well, Chibi Chase is a cocksucker. He's a cocksucker and not that funny. I don't care.

So I know it's a heated debate. And it's just a series of slapstick pranks,

and I fucking hate slapstick pranks. I love pranks.

But I know this is a huge heated debate, but it's not Christmas until I see

Hans Gruber fall off the Nakatomi to Die Hard.

Oh, now that one I can get behind. I like it. It's not even a Christmas movie. It is during Christmas.

Regardless what your views are, I always have to watch it at Christmas just

because, one, it's just a great fucking movie. It's a classic.

Also, I love... Can't go wrong with Bruce Willis and those bare feet on shards

of glass. No. Oh, man. Oh, man.

I always love, I never used to like this movie growing up, but I never really

saw it. Oh, I forgot about Planes, Trains, and Autobills. Oh,

that's a Thanksgiving movie.

That's a Thanksgiving movie. So you have to watch it this weekend. Okay, never mind.

So, it's a wonderful life, and I have the most demented favorite part of that

movie. Like, you like it?

I like the movie, but my favorite part is when he comes home,

like, everything is falling down around him, and he's dealt with 20 years of

dealing with his family's bullshit, and then comes home and yells at the family,

and, like, starts throwing shit. I fucking love it.

It's my favorite part of that entire movie. I fucking love that part so much.

Because this guy, for 20 years... Does his wife cry?

Just taking it in the ass from Potter...

This is fucking stupid family. No, his brother. His name is Potter. His brother.

No, his brother fucked him over. Yeah. I'm going to keep this short because

I could do a diatribe about this.

His brother fucked him over. Oh, I'll keep it locked down. You go to college.

And then this fucking asshole goes to college, gets married.

And like, oh, by the way, George, I'm not coming home.

Fuck you. You piece of shit. I just kissed that old man's ass for four years

while you got your fucking degree and getting laid.

And now I want to see the world. And you're going to come home.

Doing a frat party like the Revenge of the Nerds. Hey, Scramble,

you want to hear something crazy?

Sure. I don't know if I've ever seen that movie. Oh, you got to watch it.

It's dark. I'm sure I have it. It's a Christmas movie. We should do a reenactment. Miller.

Miller, can you see it or a Christmas story? Yeah. We should read it. Shut the fuck up.

But no. TJ says. And that kid. Fucking kill that kid right now.

Yeah. Zuzu. He should have thrown her in the fucking river and drowned her ass.

So this one time I had this slam book that I just recently told this story to somebody.

Like poetry slam? Like a slam? No, no, no. Like it's like a,

just a book. King of the slams?

Where it's like, and then it asks questions and then you put your answers in

and like you give it to your friends and everybody fills it up. Was this a Mad Lib?

But I gave it to my dad and he put in that his favorite holiday was Thanksgiving.

Oh no, his favorite Christmas movie was It's a Wonderful Life.

And I was like, how is that his favorite movie?

I don't even know what that is. Full disclosure, I never saw that movie for

the first time until about a decade ago with Leslie. Really? Yeah.

I don't like black and white. Thank you. I'm the same way.

Maybe it's an issue. Because they all talk real fast, and they got to do all

the dialogue like this because there was nothing else they could do because

they didn't have special effects, and it was all just makeup and weird one-liners.

That was it for me. And then the eyebrows on the ladies are...

Yeah, like they draw this massive Sharpie. Or they're just hairy eyebrows.

A Christmas Carol, same thing. Thumbs down. Not watching that.

No, I never need to see that either. Can we stop telling this fucking story?

Let's talk about Scrooge.

I love that motherfucker. I will revisit that one.

I love that Scrooge motherfucker. You love Scrooge, the character?

Yeah. Oh, because you are. Well, I am Scrooge, really.

As we sit here. I don't want a fake tree or a real tree.

I think that makes me a Scrooge. We got a white tree, and that's what we put

up now. All right, dot trees.

Back to. I like the Scrooge.

Yeah, I get that. That fits your personality. Don't pay. I don't think of any

other movies that I either hate or don't hate.

But again, I hate all of them almost equally, except Elf. That's it.

There you go. December 6th. So full disclosure to our audience,

we are recording this before Thanksgiving, and it is a big food holiday.

But there are very distinctive holiday foods. A lot of crossovers from Thanksgiving to Christmas.

But do you guys have any favorites that you look forward to?

I know lots of families probably have traditions.

I don't really think we did.

But I really Just everything that my mom and my grandmother made Was the best

My grandma made fudge a lot Usually on Christmas we would have a beef roast Like a prime rib?

Not quite It was kind of like a simple Super simple roast Mashed potatoes,

I find it bizarre When anyone

tells me they would have beef for the

holidays of any kind because we had some ham

too sometimes but so not a not a turkey

on christmas no our family was

always turkey on turkey on christmas ham

on christmas sorry turkey on thanksgiving ham on christmas

we always had a honey baked around christmas we always had

both every holiday we would have a beef roast

and a ham most of the time and a

lot of deviled eggs a lot of mashed potatoes not a deviled

egg a little bit of pasta mayonnaise so or we would have

a lasagna sometimes you're a mayonnaise hater i just don't like white man's

gravy i just don't that's probably the only reason i'm not like 9 000 pounds

because i love to eat sometimes but i just don't like mayo all right all right

but here's something that like good to know what is the um it's the shitty is that like fruit.

Miracle Whip? Oh. Is it fruitcake that, like, it's the shittiest thing, supposedly?

Yeah, like, people used to bring fruitcakes here for Christmas.

I never knew anyone that did that. And, like, my mom would take the fruitcake

and immediately just throw it in the garbage with the pan that they brought it in.

Like, she would be so mad if we got fruit, if someone brought fruitcake.

Because, like, my mom would make homemade cookies, which were,

and my grandma would make homemade donuts.

Mama scramble was famous for doing a lot of cookies yeah

my mom would make really good cookies with the frosting and

everything and then my grandma would do uh she

called them like kadoods but they were basically like cake donuts that she fried

and then like powdered sugar like they those motherfuckers did not fuck around

no with any of the food so like you were eating and that was like you were eating

good like you were eating good and like you were getting verbally abused the whole time,

but you were eating really good.

Like they were calling you a piece of shit.

You're a miserable little bastard, you kid. Too many of those, you're going to get fat.

You know, like they even told the boys, you're going to get fat.

One year, my aunt made me a pecan pie with no pecans on it. And that was probably

one of my best treats. So she just made you a miscellaneous pie?

Because you don't like the pecans. No, but you know what I do like?

All that goo that's in the, like underneath the nuts.

You like a, it's like a pumpkin pie. So it's nothing like that.

It's more of a gel, sugary gel. What about that sugar pie that I didn't get

any of? Oh man, that was so good.

So my grandmother, my grandmother Scramble used to do the holiday.

That used to be when I was a kid, everyone went to my grandparents' house.

And grandmother scramble could cook and someone

one year and i still have yet to have it to this day did a chocolate meringue

pie it was fucking phenomenal like a silk like a french silk it wasn't no it

wasn't it wasn't quite no it's not french silk because that's different it was

like you know how there's lemon meringue

pie yeah it was like a chocolate meringue we would have that Yeah,

lemon meringue pie and the fucking frosting on top would be four inches of whipped

cream or whatever that they did in a mix.

The lemon meringue pie, those Italian ladies. Well, my grandmother was from

Kentucky, so we always had a slew of pies.

I got to say, of all the desserts, I'm not a huge fan of pie. At all.

But, like, I like all of the cream pies.

Dirty. Lemon. Chocolate. Yeah, all the cream pies. What other?

December 7th. So here's a winter activity that is very difficult to do around

here anymore because we don't have a lot of snow.

But I know as a kid, I lived right down the road from a sledding hill.

Which one woodwind park was right

down the street from my house where did they sled there i lived right up front

on bike by willow creek like by the entrance you know when that road turns right

there's a hill right there okay anyway that used to be the highlight we used

to love when there would get cold snow and then the best day was the second

day because you usually get icy and we were.

So i also made the mistake one year like i had a like normal

plastic sled but then one year i realized wait a second i have pool inner tubes

and you filled those up and one we used to like doing jumps well i didn't think

and one year i took one of our summer it was older so it wasn't a complete loss

but i hit that jump and it hit the ground and completely exploded like a balloon,

Did you just go jumbling off? Were you shocked that it exploded?

No, I was like, when it exploded, I was like, but it was enough of like the

explosion cushion kind of like, it didn't hurt.

But then I was like, well, shit, now I got to go home and get another.

Another sled. Yeah. Or a garbage bag.

Garbage bag? What the fuck? I feel like we use. Garbage bag.

I feel like we always use unconventional items to sled on.

What country did you live in? Did you live in America where you couldn't afford

a fucking sled? Jesus. Fucking God.

Somebody talk to your father about this garbage bag. Look at that little white girl in her hefty sled.

That wouldn't even work at all. Hey, tell your story, because I have one.

I do have one, and it'll be quick. We took sledding very seriously. I was a kid.

That was no bullshit. You fucking had it. You got to go as fast as you can,

do jumps. You got to do all the stuff.

Plastic sleds, or did you get the inflatable? So we had those shit ass sleds

that like your grandpa had or whatever with the blades on them or whatever.

Oh my gosh, the deadly ones.

Yeah. Like you'd run a kid's arm and cut his arm off when you ran over.

So it used to be like- But those were like, they went super slow, so they sucked.

So we used to get mad because we used to build ramps and if some little fucking

kid ran through it- Had one of those. Yeah.

He was exiled. Oh my God. You got a little- It didn't handle the ramps well

when it had the blades. No, it just cut through them. Not like bread.

We would make fun of kids that brought those We'd be like oh you got the little

rascal sled Nice No we had the orange plastic Fucking speed sleds and then if

you put Two people on it It would go even faster,

And like we got Crisco on there We would do all that shit And the Whatever the metal,

Disc sleds were the best The Clark Griswolds Oh my gosh I don't even know what

the hell you're talking about bad motherfuckers. But,

sledding wasn't the only thing going on back in

those times oh boy because my brother and i

would bring a playboy you jerk

so there was a sledding is not that sexy there was a hill at one of our friends

because we lived in we lived in that frankfurt rich town so one of our friends

just this whole front yard was the sledding hill huge front yard oh wow you

go down there tim was his name.

He had model trains in his house, like full model train set.

So it was a cool experience.

And then we would bring the playboy, put that in the sewer pipe.

And so, like, you're waiting your turn to do the sled hill.

Oh. You fucking go through the Playboy. Oh, my God. Maybe have a seat.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Jerking and sledding.

That's my sledding story. Okay. Okay. This went way darker than I anticipated.

I only have, so I have a sled story that's not really actually a Christmas story.

But so one time when we had a boat when I was young so yeah I did sled sometimes

on garbage bags maybe I don't know I feel like how is it related when you have a boat wait for it,

we brought a plastic sled on the boat and my uncle decided to pull he wanted

to go on that plastic sled behind the boat So you were too drunk before this was a trash.

This was Lake Michigan. Full trash.

Lake Michigan. Oh, my God. So my dad was driving. Say your white trash without

saying your white trash.

No, that, like, what the fuck? My dad was driving the boat.

My uncle was on the back on the road. So he tried to do it? Like,

you know how we tube up in Wisconsin? Yeah, but it's a sled.

It was like tubing only with a plastic sled. This is redneck wakeboarding.

Well, needless to say. It had to, like, shatter apart. Needless to say, it did not work out.

Yeah, like the force of the water on that would have shattered it. It beat him in the face.

Because it's too flexible. And finally he was able to flag my dad down enough so he would stop.

Because I know your dad was probably like, just looking ahead,

not looking back at all. 50 miles an hour. All right.

So that is my favorite sled memory. Oh, my God.

December 8th. And now, another rant from...

Joshua Scramble. Yeah, so we're at the holiday season, and you know, gifts are a big thing.

If you're a friend of mine, don't expect a gift. I'm just saying it right now.

I'm not one of those people that's like dedicated Christmas gift.

Like, oh, I got to get this person something and this person something.

Like, no, I'm not doing it. I stopped a long time ago.

But at the same time, like if I'm out and about somewhere and I'm like,

oh, shit, that's Jen Pancake. I'll buy it for you.

Just be like, here, I saw this and it reminded me of you. That's what it should be about.

It should be John Pancake hasn't got me a gift in 40 years I never find anything Leslie Latte,

And I'm a thoughtful gift giver I gave Leslie Latte a very good gift Two years ago Yet to use it.

Must not have been that good. No, she fucking cried when I gave it to her. Aw.

What was it? It was a fucking camera.

Like an old-timey camera? No, like a new good camera. She's got to work into

it. Give her some time. Two years.

Find herself and do that. So a couple years ago, she bought a very nice camera

for herself because she likes to take photos and do the photography thing.

And i think it was like a defective model because

she looked online like out of nowhere it

would you would put in brand new batteries they'd last 10 seconds and they were

zapped and the camera wouldn't work and she looked

it up and i think it was just a defective unit of that

model so she's like for a year

or more than a year i was just like you know i really just wish i could

get a nice camera so one year i even

looked around someone we knew i'm like what

do you use for your camera because you take really good photos she's like

this is what i use i'm like okay found something very similar

paid a very good amount of money for it not that the

money counts i don't give a shit about that but but for

she was very happy because she's like oh man you know i've been saying this

i'm like well good like you know i'm like okay take your time two years later

it's been used once it probably is just taking her some time to adjust to all

the settings there's a A lot of buttons on those new cameras.

I would be overwhelmed. I'd be like, I would never touch it.

It's very difficult to buy anyone anything, because you can get whatever you want now.

It's not like someone has exclusive access to Amazon. Jerry Pancake,

you know why I don't buy you gifts.

Well, that's why I just buy whatever the fuck I want.

That's not why. I'm the same way. I am the same way. Remember that time I bought you a pair of jeans?

Oh, yeah. She bought me these skinny jeans. Yeah, don't ever do a lot of them.

I didn't buy them a skinny jeans. They were normal jeans.

Ladies, I'm just going to tell you this right now. And then I was like,

oh, they're a little too tight. And she's like, I'm never buying you anything ever.

Ladies, don't bite your... And I have held strong. Held strong, yeah.

Oh, wait. I got you a vacuum cleaner last year for your birthday.

You did. You did. Which is another childhood pancake.

Has he been vacuuming the house like a good wife now? No, that's a childhood...

He's a weird vacuum nut. All right, so my baby book is sitting over there. Mm-hmm.

And in my baby book, my mom doesn't write shit for, I don't know.

She writes initially right when she has me, all this bunch of stuff.

And then she doesn't write shit for two years.

Third year, she says, Jerry really likes to vacuum.

Maybe you just put a vacuum in my hand. But wait. And like, I just loved it. I love making the marks.

And so it was a good gift. Probably a soothing sound. Yeah. I don't know.

I had a chaos. No clothes, though. Right. Like you should never buy.

No. No. No. No clothes are not too personal. because Leslie Latte will buy me

some clothes once in a while.

Like a shirt. Socoolshirts.com.

Socoolshirts.com.

What I was going to say is some clothing is fine. Don't buy men pants.

It was a bad idea. I don't even know. I don't even know how to get pants anymore. Yeah, well.

That fit. You're not ever getting any pants. But no, as a guy,

like, personally, I don't think anyone should get another man pants.

They're either too tight on the top or too tight on the bottom. Your big little Jerry.

By the way, any of our fans look up the LBJ phone call. It's about his fucking big nuts.

No, it's a thing. Yeah, he talks about how big his nuts are.

Because it's actually a company around here. Like it's the. Really?

It's still going? That makes big nut jeans? Big nut jeans.

No, it's like, it's a pant company that was around here. I think it was. Yeah. It was like.

Was it Sanzibel? No. No. But it was like.

My dad had those. I wish they'd come back with those. It's a brand around here.

But if you do some digging, there's definitely a call out there on the internet

about him needing more nut room. Yeah.

Yeah, his nuts were sagging quite a bit back then. I did hear that.

But it's probably because of the Vietnam. Yeah, well, you know.

You know, they should make pants with big ball sections. Just like Vietnam.

I'd appreciate that. Can.

Hello. Hello. Mr. Hager? Yes, it's Joe Hager.

Joe, is your father the one that makes clothes? Yes, sir. We're all together.

You all made me some real lightweight slacks that he just made up on his own

centimeter four months ago.

It's kind of a light brown and a light green, rather soft green and soft brown.

Now, I need about six pairs for some of wear.

I need about six pairs right around in the evening when I come in from work.

And I can send you a pair. I want them a half inch larger in the waist than

they were before, except I want

two or three inches of stuff left back in there so I can take them up.

I vary. I've got 15 pounds a month.

So leave me at least two and a half per inch in the back where I can let them out and take them up.

I make these a half inch back in the waist. make the pockets at least an inch longer.

My money and my knife, everything fall out. We're just...

Hello hello now another thing

that crutch down where your nuts hang is always

a little too tight so when you make them up give me

a inch that i can let out there uh because they gut me they're just like riding

a wide fence these are almost these are the best that i've had anywhere in the

united states but uh when i get a little weight they cut me under there so believe

me uh you Never do have much margin there.

Let's see if you can't leave me about an inch from where the zipper ends,

uh, round, uh, under my, back from my bunghole.

Oh, that. So I can lay it out there if I need to.

Now, be sure you've got the best zippers in them. These are good that I have.

And, uh, if you get those to me, I would sure be grateful. All right,

where would you like to bet, please? White House.

December 9th. Here we go, another rant from Joshua Scramble.

Unexpected, this one. This one came out of nowhere.

I'm going to personally slap you in the face if I find out you did this and

did it wrong. Don't buy a pet for Christmas.

Who the fuck buys pets for Christmas? Pieces of shit, because you need to consider

that it's a lifelong commitment.

Yes, and people don't do that. A cat is a 20-year sentence. At least 20.

No, but people, especially they'll buy, like, this happens at Easter a lot,

people will buy chicks. Bunnies.

Bunnies are the worst. Bunnies are the, bunnies are the worst.

Because people don't realize, like, childhood story.

Bunnies are very difficult to take care of. They're like, oh my god, this chick.

Just shits all over the house and then people get rid

of them like fucking asshole so like you got

a bunny also don't buy an animal there are

not enough that are needing homes go to your local humane society and adopt

one or if you live in miller just wait five minutes and one will show up at

your door yeah if you go outside for like an hour yeah at any point you will

see a stray dog yeah something will come up to you but like are there pet stores still that like oh yeah.

Is that one still there in Portage?

Right by Leslie's Pools? I think it is, yeah. Well, no, they have fish and stuff,

but they don't have animals.

If you want to buy a fish for Christmas, go ahead. Those are easy to maintain.

You have puppies there? I'm pretty sure, right?

Good thing I didn't go back there. I would have got a puppy.

I don't go into those pet stores. No, I don't either. It's hard to say no.

But a fish tank, that's a good pet for a kid. And it's a great pet for you because

you could drive halfway across the country within the backseat. If you're a kid. Yeah.

I did. So I was looking at some childhood pictures the other night.

And we did have like an aquarium when I was a very small kid.

That is the one exception I'll make. If you want to buy a fish, I will be on board.

I'll let you mention it. Buy a fish. They're cheap and they're easy to maintain.

I bet that quickly got thrown out, though, once my dad realized that he had to take care of it.

Or feed it. Or actually get food for it. Got rid of it immediately. Yeah, and it got dirty.

And also, like, fucktard kids don't know how to take care of an animal.

So don't buy one thinking that you're a little shitter. No, you're going to

be banging on the thing. You got to take care of it if we get you one.

You know that's not going to happen.

Why do you do that as a parent? Don't set high expectations for your child who

is not going to take care of this. Remember those fucking turtles?

No one's scooping the litter box every day. Remember those turtles that Kira

Pancake got? Kira Pancake wanted some turtles.

Oh, yeah. Took them home from Florida. She wasn't even a child.

Oh, what? She took them from nature?

No, no, no. No, you could buy them at a store. A souvenir store.

I hate fucking people. You should hate Florida for that.

That's a Florida thing. So you know what drives me nuts? She fucking had these

things for like three years. And you guys were witness to this shit. She went to college.

It was so bad. Another side rant about turtles. You know what fucking irritates

the living bejesus out of me? And you did this. Not Ford. No.

When you go and, like, the people that watch the fucking sea turtles,

like, how about this? Leave the fucking sea turtles alone. We fucked them up enough.

They told me I couldn't touch them. I didn't. Except for the one I stepped on.

He was fine, though. He crawled right out of the sand. God, that was such a

waste of our time. I can't get any of that back because it seemed very sad. You liked it.

No, no, like that's my like these sad like that fucking turtles are going to

get fucked up by a shark or something for sure.

Well, little do most people know. The turtles are the size of like my fist.

Well, do you know that 95 percent of them die?

Yeah, they told us. And I was like, oh, great. Awesome.

I'm glad I came to see them walk to their death.

And it's total white people shit. Like, let's go see the turtle. Like, no. Oh, man.

It was the highlight of my trip. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she had her feet in the water,

watching the turtles. Oh, that's amazing.

Stupid. Anyway. Hey, you know what I didn't do? Bring them home as my pet.

Good. Well, thank you for that. Yeah, and then she set them free in Lake Michigan.

Yeah, saltwater turtle. No, she did not. She did. She took a saltwater animal

and put it in the lake. She did not put it in Lake Michigan. She did.

Can I go? She did not. Is this your niece or something? I mean,

you can rewrite it however the fuck you want, but she did that.

You are not remembering correctly, she put them on Craigslist and they were immediately picked up.

There's only one ideal outcome to this, and it is now one quarter of the Ninja

Turtles because it's... I thought she just let them go in the sea.

So when she was away at college, which she left them at our house...

We had to take care of these turtles for three years. But yeah.

Well, turtles live forever. Yeah. So I would go in there sometimes and just

look at them and be like... Turtles and birds live an eternity.

They were constantly trying to get out of the cage. Yeah. Like just constant...

A cage? Well, it's like a little aquarium.

No, I was going to say like cage. But like they're constantly like, they just.

Climbing the wall. And I just thought, oh my, like, are they just,

is it just misery? Is this instinct?

They're in a glass cube of hell. Are they fighting? They're in a glass cube

of hell? Like I would just go in there and imagine. They probably had a lot

of turtle friends back in Florida.

Not in that souvenir shop, I bet. Anyway. Yeah. Yeah. So don't,

please don't buy pets for Christmas.

And that was around Christmas too. Buy a stuffed animal. They're easier to maintain.

Well, this was my idea, and then, much to my dismay, I realized I don't have

one, and maybe that's what's wrong with me in the first place.

Have one what? A favorite, like your most favorite memory of,

like, a Christmas morning where you woke up and you got exactly what you wanted,

and it was, like, the best day of your life. I always did.

I don't believe that ever happened to me. My parents were divorced,

and then I got shitty stuff. Jerry, too, Christmas.

I remember getting some of those meat sticks one year from my dad.

Snapping to a Slim Jim. Yeah, Slim Jim. Oh, yeah.

Well, you probably really like those on account of your food insecurity.

Not when you're wanting a robot.

I know you want a robot, but sometimes you don't have food. See that robot over

there? I was going to say, that's the one you wanted?

That's what I wanted? I got a fucking stocking full of Slim Jims.

Well, all right, Scramble, what was your best gift?

The one I think of the most on Christmas is so stereotypical, but it was a bike.

Really? I got two bikes, two good bikes, two good bikes. Well,

so when I was a kid, I grew quickly.

By the time I was in fifth grade, I was already like five, six or something.

I was the tallest kid in my class for the longest time.

Same. I outgrew my bikes when I was a kid. Yeah.

I don't know why. I just love this bike. but it was mid-90s,

so obviously you know the color.

It was like neon, day-glow, orange, huffy mountain bike. It was a huffy mountain

bike? Yeah. Oh, all right. Let's just put it this way.

30 degrees outside, my ass put on a winter coat over my pajamas and rode it

around the neighborhood. Aw. Didn't give a fuck.

Same thing. Josh Scramble. I have pictures of two of the bikes I got, both BMX.

So before the mountain bike grades i'm older

than uh scramble and jen

pancake just i had a huffy 10 speed it was

red it was pretty sweet i fell off it had a huffy that looked maybe that was

like a that i really liked but it's not a core memory so i don't know yeah i

had a huffy that looked like um one of those motocross like motorcycles like

had the fenders yeah i had the big yellow fenders on it and then,

I got a Huffy. This is dude talk. I don't even know what any of this means.

BMX that had like gold wheels and blue tires.

Oh, I know what you're talking about. It had gears. It was a BMX,

but it had gears. So is this your core memory? Oh, yeah.

This was what we had before cars. Like I drove that bike everywhere. Josh Graham, freedom.

And then, oh, you can see what I got one Christmas, which is also here Commodore

64 it's not it's a fucking Atari it's not a fucking.

Commie 64 as we used to call it don't

strike me Atari and Commodore big battle

with the computer wars Commodore 1 this

is how I know he was a rich kid because I didn't get it so I circled

this computer oh no it's rich girl we had

a shared family computer like most

normal people I got this after the divorce because

i was so insistent yeah i was

so insistent my mom probably had to borrow money from like

uncles and aunts put it on a firm or layaway

which is formerly but

the computer was like i mean what a firm used

to be it was layaway yeah it was

like four hundred dollars back then

and you just got a computer you yeah and you turn it

off and the memory's erased we're gonna hold this computer for

you and you can pay us every week so i

would type on a whole program for like

eight hours and play this stupid basic game

that was in a magazine and then i would shut it off and that game would be gone

because that was all my mom could afford was this computer but uh still have

it and uh all right yeah it's right here right in the room yeah it is you hate

christmas So obviously you had the worst gift. I know.

I have no memory of anything that was the best. I really can't.

Like, I just hated every gift, I guess. I don't know.

I'm sure that's not true. But, like, I can't think of anything,

like, that I was just dazzled by.

I mean, I got a cabbage pan. What about clothing? I had two cabbage pan.

Who the fuck likes clothing when you're a kid? No, never.

I like the polo shirts that I got. Oh, yeah, because you were a rich kid.

My parents were awesome. Like, I said, but I was a weird kid.

Like, I just, here's exactly what I want, and here's where to find it, how much it is.

Like, this is what I want. And they always, like, they didn't give me everything,

but, like, you know, the good amount of it they did.

Our dad would get us really crappy shit. I always got shitty stuff from,

like, the extended families that, like, you know, the obligatory I don't know

who the fuck you are. Let's save that one for the next segment because I got tons of those.

But I'm trying to think. I mean, I can't remember anything that really, like, blew my mind.

Because I could care less about video games. I could care less about bikes, apparently.

I did get a Pink Huffy once, and I learned to ride that bike when I was four

years old. I remember that.

So right after you found out that I was a real high achiever at a young age.

Oh, I love that Pink Huffy. Maybe that was the one.

I got a Pink Huffy. It was like, it had a banana, like kind of a banana seat. A banana seat?

Like not, but not really, I don't know, what is a banana seat?

A banana seat's like. It looks like a banana. It's like this long and very thin,

which is why it used to be called a banana seat. Oh, then I don't know.

Maybe it wasn't. Either way, I mean, it was very small. I was four.

Yeah, I mean. And so, like, I remember when I learned to ride it,

because that's a core memory, because, or without training wheels,

of course, because, like, my next door neighbor had all these cars parked in the driveway.

So I just went, like, and held on to the cars on the bike, like,

while I was, like, pedaling towards the road. and then when I got to the road,

I just let go of the cars and went.

And I just knew how to ride it. No one helped me. So you're just doing it on

your own? Just did it on my own.

So I think the one year... And then

it was freedom. Sweet freedom for four-year-old Jenny Pancake. Oh, God.

And then I was off. And I did all kinds of horrible, bad shit when I was very

young. Because not really.

But you know what I mean. I was immediately like, oh, where can I not go to?

I'm definitely going there.

Every single time. Sounds like when I got my first car. And kids,

this is how you get sex trafficked. I was four.

The one year, my dad worked at McCormick Place for the Consumer Electronics Show.

He worked at as an electrician.

And that year, we got a Betamax and Atari and every one of those Mattel handheld

games like the football.

It was a fucking kick-ass Christmas. It was like, and he get like,

dad came through all the vendors were like, we're not fucking taking this shit back.

That's going to cost more to ship it back than to give it to you.

So like my dad would describe working at McCormick place and he would say,

oh, we just plug stuff in and unplug it.

It's part of the contract. So he would get like $25 an hour or whatever back

in 1979 to just like unplug and plug in like a television set or anything for the exhibit.

But so the guys from Atari and Mattel like gave him a bunch of shit.

Of course, wrapped it all up, gave it to us.

That was probably a good Christmas. Oh, it was great.

December 11th. And now, our resident Christmas hater, Jen Pancake with her worst Christmas gift.

Oh man, there were so many. It's gotta be every one for you. So many. Well, so...

My grandma cook so i had my granny who was the good granny just almost as just

almost as much of a mother to me as my own mother it was my mom's mother um

and then i also had my grandma cook.

Um not as much of a loving lady as um

the other granny sounds similar

to both of my grandmothers so let's see

um one year one year

i got a a beautiful it was

beautiful it was a blue robe um it was silk and it had lace remember robes they

like i got a couple robes it was totally polyester like yeah polyester wildly

there's a whole there's like 10 pages of robes in Scratchy.

Sears Wish Book. Super scratchy. By the way, kids robes. But wait for it.

It smelled so bad of cigarettes that I could not possibly wear it.

She's hiding it in her house. No, she got it.

So the thing was. Did she cash in Marlboro points for it?

They used to set up shop or whatever they were doing. I don't even know now.

I'd have to ask some relatives at the flea market. Oh.

It's smoking at the flea market. The smoky flea market. That's double bad.

But my most favorite, I don't know if it was my most hated, or worst because

I actually did really like it.

And this was a high school gift, too. You got a robe in high school.

No, the robe was a young kid. And I'm like, oh, this robe is beautiful,

but it stinks so bad. Does anyone do robes anymore? Scramble?

We bought a couple when we bought the hot tub just so when it's freezing cold

outside, like the Terry Coth white ones.

That's normal. Not a polyester-looking weird-ass kid robe. No,

no, no. Kid robe looks weird.

Like a pleated satin polyester with all those scratchy laces.

If you got me a robe, I'd be mad.

But as soon as I opened the package, I was like, oh, I can't.

And I'm in a house that's also a smoking house. So the house already smells

like smoke. But the robe itself was so smoky that I couldn't even, like...

I'm like, throw this away immediately. Burn this. Yeah, burn this.

Kind of like we feel when we come home from the flamingo. My favorite worst.

Oh, yeah. It was like someone left it at flamingo overnight and wrapped it up

in a pretty package and gave it to a child.

Took it, put it in a Ziploc to seal in all the flavor.

Imagine someone saying, oh, I think my kid would like a robe.

But my favorite weird worst.

Me and my brother had matching robes. gift was she got me one year a like it

was this I wish I had a picture it was a like a thing like a not really a statue kind of like a,

I don't know, just a tchotchke about as big as your monkey.

For our listeners, there's an actual chiming monkey here. It's not Jerry's dick.

No, he's one of those symbol monkeys. We'll put it on Instagram.

You need a lot of batteries for this. So once we put the batteries in,

you could turn it on, and it was a statue of an old man playing tennis,

and it just went, like it rotated halfway back and forth.

So like him with the racket, like his top half? Yep, yep.

He was like, yep. And I was a high school student and this was the gift that I got.

Who the fuck got you there? My grandma cooked. It was because I played tennis. All right, well.

Creepy. Josh Scramble, do you want to weigh in on your worst gift?

It also smelled like smoke.

My worst? I feel bad saying this. It really wasn't for Christmas,

but Leslie Latte really shit the bed on a gift one time, and I yelled at her

for it. Oh, no, this is bad.

It had nothing to do with Christmas, but... So as most people know,

I'm a hardcore Chiefs fan. In fact, I'm wearing Chiefs shit right now.

Always Chiefs. Big shocker.

So before the Chiefs got good, I also followed the Steelers because I needed

someone to follow that didn't suck half the time.

So like my best friend in high school was also a Steeler fan and we kind of

followed each other's team.

So Leslie visited her sister in Pittsburgh and bought me a Troy Palamalo jersey,

who's one of my favorite players.

And rather than get just the regular black, white lettering jersey,

she gets this gray jersey.

And I open it and I'm like.

Thank you and she's like oh you

don't like it and i'm like so you don't even

try to like hide it you just like this gift sucks

just like i appreciate the effort

but i really don't care for this i'm not gonna ever wear this

and i'm like what prompted you to buy this one

because i've never seen one like she's like well there was this little kid in

the store i'm like oh there was your first mistake trusting a child trusting

a child to make a decision for me so she I guess there was this kid and she

didn't know which one to get she just knew the player and was like which one

would you get and he's like I'd want that one and I'm like yeah never do that

again like never talk to a child he probably doesn't even know who it is fuck so that was

and saying it's the worst but when I think of bad gifts that's the one that

pops out but then she did get it exchanged for a regular well I mean I have a like a,

the worst gift ever is it your carton of camels that I got as an adult Oh, as an adult. Oh, boy.

And then I have some of the worst gifts. I better not. I'll murder you in your sleep.

No. So, like, in the former life that I had with a other wife.

Ex-Pancake. Ex-Mrs. Pancake. Ex-Pancake.

We're, like, her family always did the Christmas.

It was, like, always, like, really nice, sweet, and, like, we would get a bunch of gifts.

But like uh her sister like

we like it was in the days of like everybody got

a gift for everybody like those times when the economy was good you mean like

now which is dumb no fuck that i've told everyone like that 90s economy that

was kicking ass and taking names things were growing great um but like so um

i got um a card like with a gift card in it.

It was for Chi-Chi's, which had gone out of business for entirely two years

prior to getting the gift card.

Oh, man. And so that was bad. That's a re-gift extraordinaire.

And then the other thing that I could think of that was a really shitty gift

when you were a kid were those puzzles that was like a dinosaur made out of wood.

Oh, the balsa wood. Yeah, like some asshole was like, oh, I'm going to go to

the hobby shop and get a fucking Jerry's 13 years old. I want like a Motley Crue CD.

I don't want fucking stupid puzzles.

You used to find them at the museum gift shops. It was literally like the skeleton.

They would think they were educational.

You'd make a skeleton of a dinosaur. It was literally, so it was a balsa wood.

You would snap the bones out of like the wood. And I was like,

oh, well, I didn't want a Trans Am model.

I'd rather have a fucking T-Rex made out of wood. I did, too.

I'd rather have that or a train. Weird.

I mean, not really, I guess they were very popular. Don't buy those for your kids.

Kids don't like educational stuff. I don't know what I wanted,

but it wasn't any of the shit I got. That's for sure. Kids don't like educational stuff, guys.

No. Maybe that's what I wanted. I don't know. What?

Encyclopedia Britannica? Oh, man. I would have loved a encyclopedia Britannica.

My grandparents had a set of encyclopedias, and I loved. They used to be like

two grand back in the day. Oh, yeah. You had to do a payment plan.

You had to put that shit on a firm. a firm

or whatever they did back in those days we should

bring that back encyclopedias yeah well honestly

you could probably buy a vintage set for like ten dollars i don't

think anyone can read anymore we could put a we could put

a set right here like remember how fancy they used

to look like oh my god gold inlays you

know someone came door to door and sold it oh yeah that's how

and then somebody yeah and then someone always lost one book and i would swear.

One time i do it what rose pancake jesus in some sections what section the sex,

December 12th. So Jerry Pancake, did you have a Christmas tree?

I hope you had Christmas trees when you were growing up. You had a fucked up

childhood, so I don't know.

We did most of the time. Fake or real tree?

We had real tree, like, I think, like the first couple Christmases that I can

remember, but then 100% fake.

So did you guys do the whole, we went and cut it down at a farm and the whole thing? No.

My dad just showed up with it on top of on top

of a cutlass some year of a cutlass right on top like not concerned about the

paint or sap or anything getting on it and then uh yeah like they just strap

it with whatever string they would do that yeah but then i think um,

My mom figured out that it was a fire hazard because they would drink and stuff,

and they would forget to put water in the tree. And then back then, everyone's smoking.

You had cigarettes your whole life back in those times. The house was filled

with smoke. Yeah, all the time. It was crazy.

We got a beautiful tree, don't we? It's insane that more houses didn't burn

down at those times. Oh, it's shocking. I can't believe that my grandparents

would let my parents smoke, or anyone.

So we had fake trees after that, but they were not like the fake trees of today.

Like, it took, it might have taken three days to put that fucking tree together.

They used to be complicated. And they were just as flammable as a real tree. Yeah, who knew?

And they would burn and poison your lungs.

It's that high coal and petroleum they put in them little leaves.

And then we had these lights that bubbled.

Oh, bubble lights are awesome. But if you touched them, you could burn yourself. Lava hot.

No, they were. So bubble lights were kick ass. They were fucking cool as fuck.

Oh, fuck. The scrambles. When you saw that and the bubbles are going.

So they were about yay high and they were expensive as fuck too.

Yeah. So there was a little heating element.

The bulb got really hot and they designed them to where they got hot enough

and they just bubbled. So the water was just boiling.

Oh, yeah. Boiling. Yeah, I guess that's what it was. Pretty much,

yeah. That's why it was hot.

This is wild, wildly dangerous. You've never had those?

No, of course not. Bubble lights kicked ass. We had all of that shit. We would get, we would.

I mean, maybe we did, and I just didn't care. And then we had the really unsafe

outside lights, too. Like the bulbs were enormous.

Enormous bulbs. Yeah. Did have those, maybe. I don't even remember.

So we had good Christmases until the divorce, and then it was kind of sad.

That's usually how it goes. Sad Christmases.

After that. Then it's just a TV dinner. Then it's like my dad might have one of those Charlie Brown,

fake trees that's like three feet tall. Wait, scramble. What about you?

Fake or real? Fake tree. Always had a fake tree. Forever? Even your parents?

Yeah. So growing up, like when I was really, really young, I don't remember

the tree, but I know from about the time I was six or seven,

they invested in a fake tree and that's still the one they have.

They made them good back then. Well, they. Built to last. But yeah, fake tree.

I've never had a real one. I've gone to our friends.

I just don't want to mess around with it. It's a pain in the ass and they're

not cheap anymore. Like, have you bought a Christmas tree lately?

Like a real one? We bought a fake one.

Like a real one is pricey. Really? And you got to deal with getting it home, setting it up.

But Noah, to your point about them being a fire hazard, that is the like i know

people that save their christmas tree until like the summer to burn it

is like an event oh yeah so one time like i

think leslie latte's sister missed

the tree burning and cried wow well

that's ridiculous like so when i became an

adult and had my own family we did

do the real tree for quite a quite a bit

but it has gotten pricey yeah it it

was it's cool because it smells good you can't

you got to be careful with pets too because yeah and we didn't have any pets

so that was good um but yeah like you can't you gotta water that is anyone gonna

ask me yeah uh what what happened with your fake tree or real fake fake or real can i choose neither,

did you have a tree i mean i'm just saying what i would prefer and is neither well what happened.

What did you have happen in your life? My mom died.

No, but we shouldn't laugh at that.

We just had a Christmas casket. I didn't like it before. A lot.

Did you have a fake or real tree before your mom died? Never real.

Never real. My mom wasn't messing with that bullshit. No.

Not having it. Because you got to water it. She had all kinds of crazy shit.

And you're killing a fucking tree for no fucking reason.

I don't think it was that. I just think it was. Has humanity ever needed a reason to kill a tree? No.

Not even a single reason. Oh, my God. This reminds me of something that I read,

which disturbed me to no end. I'm still thinking about it.

Apparently there were so many trees in this country that a squirrel could go

from Ohio to like Colorado and never touch the ground whoa doesn't surprise

me that is nuts hey squirrel joke.

December 13th so Christmas music

fans not fans I'm not a fan of Christmas period so this should be great,

There are definitely Christmas songs that I hate Like the hippopotamus for Christmas

kids Oh my god, that's my favorite one I fucking hate that song Who wouldn't

want a hippopotamus in their house?

I know some people who have hippopotamuses in their house But that's just me being an ax No,

like real I love that And Dominic the donkey are my two Because I like animals

Alright, so you actually do like Christmas music Is what you're saying A couple of them,

there's a couple that i don't like what's the other scramble what do you got

oh there's a list there's a list like there's so many bad i saw mommy kissing

santa claus definitely a fan most hated favorite.

I saw Santa boning your mom in the middle of the night. I mean,

that's crazy. It might be.

In that Baby It's Cold Outside, that's like a rape. What? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, some, they don't sing it anymore because people have been way too sensitive.

Because I don't think it's that bad, but. What the fuck is Deck the Halls about?

With Bows of Holly. Yeah, no one uses Holly anymore for shit.

It sounds very formal, too. It's like opera or like. I don't have a hall.

What hall are we going to deck in here?

Is this because we're not fans of Jesus that we don't like Christmas music?

Oh, Christmas has about this much to do with. Did he make any songs?

Because I don't know that he's an artist.

I shouldn't say that I'm not a fan. I'm not a fan or not a fan.

It would have been hard for him to make a Christmas song. He was a tiny baby.

Well, I wasn't. I'm talking about teenage sheep. He just happened to be born on Christmas.

Which is fucking ironic even though they moved the holiday back in the day but

we won't talk about that away in a manger no crib for a bed is that a song did

they have cribs back then,

who the fuck had a crib not any kid I'm pretty sure they didn't know he was coming.

Unplanned three wise men came up they knew but the parents didn't she didn't

look like she was expecting it all? Was it a bathtub?

A water birth? All I can say is, due to recent news, good thing she didn't go

to that hospital in Crown Point.

Yeah, she would have been turned

away. Well, it's the same thing that happened in the first one. It is.

They were like, no room at the inn. You gotta stay with the fucking camels.

Go hang out with Dominic the donkey. Get out of here, poor.

Oh, you're not married? Bastard Jesus. So do you have like a good...

Do you have a good, like, caroling song story or, like, favorite memory of Christmas songs?

I do, but I can't tell that right now.

We have to save that one for later in the Advent calendar. I don't have,

um... Well, we're here. I mean, it's...

Apropos i'm not sure i ever caroled in my

life until i moved to miller people really dig it

here love the holidays of miller like they don't like everyone like

every holiday out of their minds it's flag

day yeah another reason to have a party that

let's go they don't do flag day like three oaks

michigan where i used to live they did the biggest

flag day parade in the country which is not hard because

no one has a fucking flag day parade but isn't

that like having a giant ball of twine kind of record a couple of my friends

you know what you could do got divorced twice because of flag and then they

remarried twice um so it was a lot of tensions run high during Flag Day.

Tensions run high during Christmas, too, and that's why the music doesn't help.

No, not at all. That's why suicide rates go up at Christmas just because of the music.

December 14th. All right. Welcome back, Miller Morning Man House Advent Calendar.

Now we're going to talk about the Jews.

Put on your yarmulke. It's time for Hanukkah.

So in all seriousness like i maybe i'm

just sheltered because we didn't live in like big cities but

i never knew anyone growing up in indiana thing i didn't know i didn't even

know which i knew a fair amount of jews oh well you're so cultured well i knew

here's what i knew they got fucking way more presents than i did and they got

it all december well yeah because it's eight,

nights or eight crazy not only did

i not know what hanukkah was i didn't know what jewish people

were so there's that well they didn't go to the catholic church i knew that

oh well yeah that's where you so they didn't get likely if you're jewish you

probably didn't get molested by a priest like we did i mean you don't know no

well they let i believe they let rabbis get married,

I don't know. I don't know. Call in. 219-200-4280.

Tell us how Jews work and how that works.

We're assuming not, that you weren't. But, I mean, I knew about Hanukkah,

and I'm sure I knew Jewish people. You did? I knew, yeah. How?

How did I know about Hanukkah? Yeah. Who told you, your mom and dad?

I don't know where I learned about Hanukkah, but I knew it existed.

I just didn't know anybody that celebrated it. But, again, like...

I have zero issues, obviously. I have no memories of Hanukkah as a child.

I mean, you were in East Gary, though.

Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, there would be no reason for me to...

What do you think the Jewish population is today over there?

Well, I mean, where I live in the neighborhood, they used to call it Little Israel.

What? In Portage? No, where I live now.

Oh, and Gary? Well, no, she was in Lake Station. Clearly there were Jewish...

Yeah, they don't let them go across county lines.

You're not going to be safe over there. No, but that's why. Blue Island.

There was not many Jews, but Frankfurt was Jews, a lot of Jews,

even though it was a German.

Frankfurt is a German town. It's a German name. I'll tell you what. I would convert today.

I'm ready. Sign me up. What religion are you? Zero. I was going to say,

you can't convert if you don't have a current one. I don't know.

It's old. Can I sign up then? Is it just a volunteer situation?

I think I would be Buddhist if that's a thing.

If I was going to do a religion. Namaste, Jerry. Have you been in that temple? It's beautiful.

Yeah, we've been in there a few times. They seem to know what they're doing

with stuff. Well, it's because they're Jewish.

Oh, wow. Jesus. No, but I guess.

Oh, Jesus was. The main reason I guess we're talking about this is just I never remember.

Like it's not like i ever was you know you always had friends that

did different shit and i never remember like oh yeah i gotta go

home for a seder or you know the

hanukkah dinner yeah no no one like no i never had a friend like that where

where yeah they were like like i never had oh do you want to come over for a

seder or just be like what's that you know like you ever blend like to a friend's

house and like it's just like they were no different or dead church on sunday

Like I was never at a friend's house.

It's like, Oh yeah. Like we got to go light the menorah.

Just never happened. No, no one had a menorah in their like window or whatever. Nope.

And I, um, yeah, I probably was not aware of it until maybe I like early teens, like even that. Yeah.

Cause I wasn't really, really wild because people think we're Jewish though.

Sometimes around the holidays because our Christmas lights are blue and white snowflakes.

But they're, they're shaped, they're six pointed snowflakes.

So people think that they're the star of David, but well, Hey,

shout out to all my Jewish homies. You can't tell. Yeah, I mean. You can't tell.

Like, you can't look at a person and know if they're Jewish.

Yeah, because it's like, it's a weirdly, like, weirdly, like.

Ethnicity and a religion kind of, right?

I've Googled it before. If you must know.

Okay, what did Google say? It said exactly that.

Also, there's not, I mean, I'm sure there are out there somewhere,

because there's everything on the internet. It's like, what's your religion? Italian.

Like until adam sandler came out with the hanukkah song there was never like

well dreidel you know dreidel dreidel dreidel i made you out of clay but i didn't

know that song before south park or whatever,

well it was in south park all right well we're trying to get more cultured if

you know i'm like i'm not an idiot i'm sorry i just this is our experience right

and it's a similar christmas experience as everyone else because Lake Station,

Jewish population low.

They gotta get kids. Low to zero.

Fräulein Miss Pancake over here. They gotta get kids gifts.

First rule of Christmas and Hanukkah. The kids get gifts. I said I want to sign up. Yeah.

I said I want to sign up. I'm not Fräulein.

I'm ready to jump. You don't have time to go to fucking church.

You don't have time to go to fucking church.

December 15th elf on the shelf what

the is the deal with the elf on the shelf like i kind of get

it like it's supposed to be spying on the reason number 1023

why i'm not upset that i don't have children i kind of like it because i would

make that elf do really dirty but that's the foot not like it at all i can assure

you but that's like pranks but that's the best thing about the elf on the shelf

is everyone like taking the photos of it like set up doing naughty like,

Like the cocaine. But yeah, like the sugar.

I do like those. But like the also like. I mean, I guess we could do that right now if you want to.

Because I'm not going to give the Elf on the Shelf real drugs.

Like, all right, here's what I'll do for you. I'll get an Elf on the Shelf and you can set it up.

Like, because when you're up 28,000 times a night. Oh my God,

I just thought of an idea though. You can just set it up.

What if we got Jose Chilequilis to dress up as the Elf on the Shelf and just

had him go fuck with? I don't think he's going to do that. He's got new independents. He's MIA.

He's MIA. He's in the fantasy playoffs. He's got new confidence.

What if we just gave him a couple of joints and like a 20? I think he doesn't do that anymore.

Maybe we tempt him to do them again. Like Jesus.

Just like Jesus. But yeah, so.

No, what I want to do with the Elf on the Shelf, put it on a model train track

and have that train rail.

So just like the Melissa McCarthy commercial that's out right now.

Oh, I hate that commercial.

And what has she done? Like, she's a fraction of herself. I don't even know.

Figuratively and literally. Yeah. Because she lost a good amount of weight.

I don't know what this Elf on the Shelf commercial is, but he mentioned it the other day.

That it was annoying. About how outraged he was by it.

And I'm, I'm glad I haven't seen it. It's super annoying. Well, also, like.

What I have seen is a thousand Facebook posts about Elf on the Shelf.

No, because like the photos are funny.

Although like maybe, maybe next year's advent calendar we just do it.

What about the kids' reactions?

We, like, we don't see those. Dirty Elf on the Shelf's.

Romantics sponsored by. It's 25 too many. We haven't talked about romantics

in a bit, but. Well, they reduce their hours. Is it a Christmas topic?

Everyone needs a lover on the holiday. I guess you can get a holiday-themed dildo.

You could get gifts there. Here's what it is, and I steal this from George Carlin.

Looks like a candy cane. You get a dildo that plays, oh, come all ye faithful.

Oh, come all ye faithful. Oh, did George Carlin make that? He did.

He was talking about the Ten Commandments. I can't even talk about come.

How did he get dildos in the Ten Commandments? Because he was talking about,

like, thou shalt not cover thy neighbor's goods. and he's like,

bullshit, coveting makes the economy good.

If your neighbor has a dildo that plays O Come All Ye Faithful,

you want one too. Shout out to George Carlin.

Fucking legend. Can't even think about come thanks to the Diddy Dog. Rest in peace. Jesus.

Thanks to the what? The Diddy Dog.

That's not Christmas related. I know, I know. We're getting off topic.

Unless you want to freak off.

Well, I don't think you can buy baby oil on Amazon for Christmas because he

bought it all. If maybe it's peppermint scented.

Jen Pancake. And I really watch that. It's not about Christmas. Don't go into that.

It's not a Christmas movie at all.

So what struck me. Well, we're here now. What struck me was like this guy's

super rich and he's just waiting to go to jail.

And then he just lives in this fucking sad hotel room.

And I just saw it, man, how the mighty have fallen.

Just like, uh, I don't know. That's not Christmas.

But I don't know if he was all that mighty because he kind of just tagged along

to the notorious. He was a nerd.

He was Urkel. But if you look back, he never did, supposedly he produced the

albums, and I wasn't there, so I don't know.

Well, this doc will tell you everything you need to know. Well,

all I remember is back in the 90s when you saw a video, all he was doing was

doing that same dumbass snapping dance.

And then his mouth was idle with it.

Well, we can assure you that he was on a large amount of drugs.

I'm not shocked by this. Still is.

Toilet wine, did you see that? I looked that up. He's drinking some toilet wine

or whatever in jail. He has pink cocaine.

Not anymore he doesn't because he's in jail. Now he has toilet wine and he's

drinking it. It's easier to get drugs.

Is he going to get an endorsement like the Chirac vodka? What's toilet wine? Maybe.

Booms from toilet wine. No, it's like Annika toilet wine. He doesn't pay anyone,

I can tell you that. Well, anyway.

They're going away fast. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods This one

is just plain fucking stupid Coveting your neighbor's goods Is what keeps the

economy going Am I right?

Your neighbor gets a vibrator That plays O come all ye faithful You want to

get one too Coveting creates jobs Leave it alone.

It's your birthday if i die carry me and

sarah louis they ask me what

i do and who i do it for hey everybody pancake

here before we jump into today's

advent calendar we want to send some birthday love

to our own josh scramble today is december 16th yes tragically close to christmas

but very much his day show him some love wish him a happy birthday and maybe

apologize for every this is for christmas and your birthday gift he's ever gotten we love you josh.

December 16th to our breakfast brunch listeners we have a little surprise very

special guest who just pointed out without pointing out how unprofessional our

setup is we have in studio one Mr.

Chad Bacon Burton say hello in your very masculine voice that we just Yeah,

look at that. Look at how low. You see how low he gets?

Wow. Wow. Amazing. We apologize.

For what? Mr. Burton has brought over a whole host of sound things,

including his guitar, that he cannot use.

Can't use it. He can, but it'll sound like shit on our amateur-ass basement.

I mean, this is a mid-level podcast setup.

I just think we just learned it's amateur- Very mid-level.

It's bullshit, Jerry. We're going to have to give him a very nice Christmas gift.

But actually, speaking of Christmas gifts, do you have a... Well,

let's talk about Christmas.

But Chad, you neglected to tell us, what do you have in your own home?

I just have a studio set up.

So we could legit be recording there. I just happen to have...

Can you lug over all of your studio equipment to our tiny basement?

To come to this tiny basement? It's in the car. No, just, so,

but since we have Chad here, Chad actually happens to have something very in

common with us, unlike our recording system.

Chad has a birthday close to Christmas, just like myself. Yeah.

Which is kind of shitty. One, it's a winter birthday.

So like that kind of sucks because you can't do jack shit half the time.

Also, a lot of relatives fuck you on the single gift thing. When's your birthday?

December 16th. Oh, okay. Oh, man.

What about you? 21st. Ooh, you're really. Yeah. Oh, man. That's right next to

Christmas. You're right up. It's pretty rough.

It really is. Well, I mean, my parents were good because they didn't,

they very well respected, like, birthday, Christmas gifts. Like,

they didn't sheep out. They made a separation.

They made a separation or, like, they combined the value of the gifts rather

than, like, two smaller ones, like, double it up into one really good one.

Oh, okay. So you had good parents. Yes.

Yeah, the scramble parents were pretty good. They, although I did have relatives

that... Did you keep an accounting spreadsheet of which gifts were which and

how much money they used to? I think Chad knows this.

When you have a birthday close to Christmas, you don't need a spreadsheet.

That shit sticks in your memory forever. It does.

It does. So do you find that people just...

Didn't acknowledge your birthday at all or just gave you one gift?

I always felt like it was like the, so my parents were like a lot like Josh's

parents where they like made sure that was a special thing because they knew,

they knew I was going to make fun of it either way.

Like I was going to be like, oh, well, oh, I always get screwed.

It's just a, you know, it's just a Nintendo and 30 games, you know,

like, you know, are you going to give me the 30 games? What are you going to

give me for Christmas now? Right.

You know. 30 games wasn't enough like it

wasn't yeah exactly so pretty ungrateful i guess my so yeah our parents were

good about it but like the relative with your relatives like outside of your

house that you don't have to live with 365 days a year it's like your jesus's

brother fredo like everyone jesus had a brother fredo i didn't know that if he did like alfredo.

Really really creamy texture not a

lot of people know that no but like everyone is there to

see like oh it's christmas and then everyone remembers oh yeah

oh it's your birthday too yeah well this will be

for your birthday and well you know what you could do like a

lot of people here in miller you could just change your fucking birthday to

whenever you want i was thinking a lot darker than you were like what i could

die in april and have everyone celebrate my death well if you come back to life

you'll be celebrated forever you could make it a january 10th birthday for your December birthday.

I don't know. January is almost like after Christmas probably has to be worse, right?

Because we, so I've talked with this about with Jerry before,

like I, one year in the summer, I'm not going to make a big extravaganza, but I'm going to be like,

My close peeps, I'm celebrating this year in summer so I could just do outdoors.

I'm going to make fun of you for that.

I make fun of you already all day long. So you're just going to change your birthday?

Yeah. Just move it six months. That's the only lucky thing I had is I was born in August.

It could be your mid-year birthday or whatever. I was born in August,

so I get to have a nice summer party. Well, you know, fucking children always

like, oh, I'm 14 and a half.

No, you're just. Oh, so it could be your half birthday.

Perfect. Wow. So both of you had good parents because if I had been born within

30 days of Christmas, I would have got nothing for my birthday at all.

Or like one of those balsa wood airplanes.

You already got the balsa wood Tyrannosaurus Rex or whatever. Oh, yeah.

I would get those every from my aunt Peg would give me those dinosaurs.

Even when I was like 15, I don't want a balsa wood dinosaur model.

Like that's for a child. You want 30 Nintendo games. Yeah.

Yeah. Apparently Chad had the house because, I mean, on my Nintendo,

I never had more than like a dozen.

Yeah. I don't even know there's 30 games existed. This is such white people.

I never had more than 12 Nintendo games.

My grandma had to shake down some poor guy at service merchandise to get my

brother one of those Nintendos.

Is this racist, Pancake Grandma?

No, they didn't let black people work at service merchandise back then.

What? That's not true. She loved that store because...

So, like, you went there. Does your studio have editing? No, I'll take that out.

It does, we just don't do it. I'll take that out. No, she...

She would go to that store because

you really didn't have to deal with the people that were helping you.

Well, it was service merchandise. So you would go, you would pay,

and then they would send the Nintendo or whatever out on a conveyor belt. Oh, I forgot about that.

And then you would just take it and you'd be like, oh, wow. It was like Amazon before Amazon.

Like, don't deal with anyone. Just use your shirt. You pick it out in the catalog.

Except it's way worse. Yeah, you call them up and then they,

or you just go there and give them your cash or whatever, layaway.

I don't know how they pay. Is this the one in the mall?

These were separate. We had one near the mall. We did. Yeah,

like. Like in the Century Mall. It was kind of the size of a Sears. I think it was. Yeah.

Kind of the size of a Sears or a JCPenney. I feel like it was over by where

White guys is now. Black people were allowed to work there, though. Like in that area.

There was one over there. Right? Yeah, but at first it was at the mall, I think.

Oh, and then it moved. And then it moved. That's probably right.

I think my grandma had to go to River Oaks. Did you have to be a member?

Because I was not a member.

No, I don't think so. You could just... I remember the catalog,

though. That was great. That big service merchandise catalog.

You used to be able to beat someone to death with one of those.

The Sears catalog was so... It's like five Sunday Chicago Tribunes.

But they had a huge advantage when that whole cabbage patch situation broke

out. Because they didn't have to deal with the fights.

Because all this shit was in the back. Yeah, you couldn't get to it.

So they were like, yeah, I want the cabbage patch. And they'd be like,

no. Take a number. And they're selling them probably out of the back.

I had a cabbage patch kid when I was a kid. You did? I did.

I don't know why. I don't know why we all went silent.

I don't know why, but I. We went silent because of our shocked face emojis. Cut his mic. Cut the mic.

Somehow my childhood. What was its name? Do you remember? I know you do. I do not remember.

I just do. Well, you'll have to pull out the birth certificate. Yeah.

So, yeah, you kept the birth certificate, right? I'm sure you know when its birthday was.

Wouldn't it be something if it was named Bacon?

Bacon Junior. I think for some reason. Bacon Junior, Amber.

My brain connected it to be some kind of electronic toy because it was made

by Coleco Oh, I didn't know that What?

Yeah The Cabbage Patch Kids They were made by Coleco And then when I,

my sister got one and I was like, this doesn't like do anything I thought they

were made by the guy who grew them in the Cabbage Patch They were made by the

Cabbage Patch parents fucking and then the Cabbage Patch Kids comes out No,

they just grew in a Cabbage Patch Hello?

Hello? Well, that's not how babies are made. You can't grow them.

Anyway, on that note, we're going to have Jerry read his history and figure that out.

But if you happen to have children that or know of children that are born close

to Christmas, give them two gifts.

Yeah, not some balsa plane or dinosaur. Don't give them a ColecoVision.

December 17th you got to

break some eggs sometimes to make an omelet

well then we just broke a we broke a

bunch of eggs broke a chicken i like to point out exhibit a remnants of chad

uh yeah is that tinsel in the basement it is tinsel it's tinsel he walks around

and it just tinsel falls off this time of year such uh such a bright and shiny star.

So to all our friends, we were totally the Charlie Brown Christmas tree. Oh my gosh.

We had to do a breakdown of what just happened in this basement.

We could not go on with regular Christmas content. We apologize ahead of time.

So we thought we would ask Chad to come over and do something musical,

and we thought we had an okay setup, and it was very apparent very quickly that

we don't... Oh, almost immediately.

When I saw him Unloading his van or whatever.

Chad Burton is a professional musician. I'm sure it was a car. I'm sorry, Chad.

Like a full professional working. This whole episode is just going to be, I'm sorry, Chad.

Musician, and he's extremely talented. One of our favorite people here.

And he plays around here a lot in Northwest Indiana.

And we just invited him to a basement podcast with a four-channel podcast.

Mixer from 2018. I wish anyone that is listening could just imagine me watching Chad and Jerry.

Trying to find cords.

Scramble through a box of loose cords.

Do you have this? I don't know what that is. Do you have a DVI? No.

UTI? I might have that. It was the funniest thing.

I mean, all of the range of emotions, the range of emotions I experienced.

And then the best line, well, I have a recording studio in my house.

So he could have just had us over.

But I hope he is going to record some stuff in his studio for us.

Which is good because he definitely couldn't record anything in our studio.

Well, he could have. It just wouldn't have sounded good. Well,

it would have sounded fine, I'm sure. It probably would have sounded amazing, however...

Yeah, so coming to a future Advent Day, the talents of Chad Burton.

And by the way, a big plug for Chad.

If you ever see him advertised around, go see him as Chad. The Ramos Band.

The Ramos Band. They play at the Hard Rock Casino often. What's the Bee Gees

cover band? I don't remember.

I should have looked. I mean, again, this just happened. You told us what that

was. This just happened.

I don't have the. It's one of the. It's a name of one of the songs.

The Brothers Gibb, I believe, is the name of it. Oh, well, there we go.

That's probably wrong, too.

Of course, it would be of how we fucked up everything in this whole thing.

Did I ever tell you I saw Andy Gibb in concert at Navy Pier?

I'm just going to keep saying. Jive talking Andy Gibb. We're sorry,

Chad. Yeah, right before he died.

He did sit in with us and talk about some Christmas topics, though.

That was great. He did, and hopefully you enjoyed that.

Oh, yeah. So this was, this is our just immediate reaction upon him.

He's a professional. We are not. No.

Like, we got a long way to go. Oh, I don't know if we're ever going to get there.

So if we had like a real radio show, we would have guys. We're going to go because

we're not going anywhere.

If we had a real radio show, we would have guys that knew about.

Like all of the things what the the

situation that just had microphones and all that we

were like the Wright brothers shoving like a balsa wood plane

off the dune and Chad Burton comes in like fucking Doc Brown on a door and we're

just like we are way out of our day we we have this tape recorder can you plug

into this it's got a bunch of lights on it but doesn't I bought it for the The

amount of lights that...

We've got a slide projector show from the old days. I was like, that thing looks cool.

It's got a lot of lights. See, this is the reason why I didn't want to come to this recording.

I had a feeling it might go this way. I'm shocked that he came.

He must really like us. He does. That's very sweet. He's very sweet.

Well, you know... Thank you so much.

We're sorry. One of the nicest people that you will meet.

And same with his lovely wife. Yes, Nicole and Chad Go see them as well Very

talented people and we love you And we're sorry We're sorry,

Chad We can never repay you for this,

This will be a good story forever and ever though But also, let's talk about

those 30 Nintendo games Yeah, like you spoiled motherfucker What the hell?

You were fucking good parents What the hell?

Turns out a lot of people had good parents So he just had just a wonderful life,

that's it And he's also on top of everything...

No complaints about his parents. Good at cords. No.

Even with a December birthday, he didn't even seem unhappy with a December birthday, really.

A level of genius that you could never... Yeah, because they separated the gifts.

I know. So I work with someone who had a birthday closer. She's born on Christmas Eve.

What about Christmas Day? Does that make you Jesus, too? Jesus part,

too? Jesus Jr. Actually, I want to say I know someone.

If my kid was bored on Christmas, his name's going to be Jesus. Jesus Ponson?

100%. Okay. Well, why wouldn't you?

Oh, here's my thing. Why aren't more white kids named Jesus?

It's not about this, Jerry. But it's Christmas. All right.

So there's got to be a handful of white babies born on Christmas.

I think it's the same reason there's not a lot of people named Adolf.

Well, I don't think Jesus was as controversial. No, but it's. Allegedly.

But it's not a popular name this year. Sorry.

It never was. But if you're going to name a kid, and this is not the same as

naming a kid Adolf, But if you name a kid Jesus, like you're setting the bar way too high.

That's like if you're Jerry Rice's kid and like, it's like handing him a football

and be like, okay, kid, take down dad's record. Jesus Rice.

This is going to be his name. That doesn't sound good.

But Jesus Rice. We're getting way off topic. Well, it's Christmas related. Way off topic.

I don't know. What do you want to talk about? It is funny though.

Wait, wait, we got topics. But Latin people do name their kids Jesus.

Only people that are Latino. I know plenty of Jesus.

Yeah. Like Spanish people have no problem doing Jesus. Jesus.

But like white American, I've never met a white Jesus.

Has anybody? Yeah.

I mean, think about it, guys, for real. It doesn't exist.

No. Even as crazy as some of the names.

I mean, technically. Even as crazy as some of the names that we.

I'm going to have to delete all this. Give me. Why?

Give me a name from one of your students that we talked about recently.

Hang on. Well, didn't you have

a Malachi, Cameron? Oh, we have a bunch of Malachis. Malachi is common.

Way more common than Jesus, for sure.

What did our nieces tell us? Or I was at the Thanksgiving where they told us

a bunch of their names. Yeah, I mean. Also, you don't know any Judases.

Champagne was one of the girls' names.

No Jesus, though. Is that, well, I saw it maybe aiming too high.

A lot of Jesuses, but, like, I want the hard J. I want the Jesus.

Why did that sound very sexual? I want the hard J.

December 18th.

December 19th. Did you ever hear the whole, like, just pick a gift from under

the tree in your whole life?

Like, whether it be your grandma's house or, you know, some point in your family's house?

No, we always had it, like, it was labeled.

Did you have to do that? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Why? I heard that. Oh,

did you get anything embarrassing? No.

Jesus, Jerry, it's called. It's just like, I think of, like,

maybe, oh, sorry, the dildos for your father. Oh, like a lingerie.

Like a lingerie or something for your mother, and you picked it out.

Not that box. Not that box. Those are the crotchless panties.

A smoky pair of lingerie from a lingerie show.

Fashion show. Pretty sure it was still labeled my name on the gift that I grabbed.

Oh, I thought you would just pick a random gift. I thought it was just anything. Yeah.

There's two gifts under the tree, and it's like, well, why don't you just grab

one of the gifts? Oh, like they let you open them before Christmas sometimes.

We always I've heard of that like you do one like Christmas Eve but unless you're Jewish,

I'm talking about for your birthday I'm talking about for your birthday someone

just being like oh grab one from under the tree maybe it was for their other child no,

I think they're both mine they were just for Christmas but one they're trying

to make it they screwed you,

they're like I don't remember which one's for his birthday We got you two things

because we're nice that way.

But we're not going to tell you which one's right. This is when you had to be

careful about it, though, because my mom used to pull this move.

She would organize the gifs so you had to open them in the right order,

and God forbid you picked the wrong... No, no, no, no, no, no.

You had to open that one last because it'd be like in your Nintendo reference,

oh, I just opened Contra.

Well, obviously, I'm getting a Nintendo, or this is the worst gif on Earth.

Like, here's a video game you can't play. Did any of your parents ever like fake you guys out?

I mean, like put something in a different box.

So you thought that you got like a blender, but it was like something cool. A blender?

Because like my parents would do that all the time and be like,

what the fuck? It's a toaster. And they'd be like, oh.

Don't ask me why. But when Jerry said it's a blender, all I could think is my

parents being assholes and playing Rupert Holmes the minute I open it.

If you like pina coladas.

No, because those cartridges for whatever, Nintendo, Atari.

Are predictable. They come in a very predictable box. It's like getting a CD.

Yeah, you would know what that is. For those children who don't know what a

CD is. Before MP3s, you actually had to play this disc.

And before that, you had cassettes. You have children that listen to the show? We hope not.

We always give warning in case. It's explicit. It's rated at that.

Um, yeah, they never, never really screwed with me, but I have screwed with people.

Oh, that's not surprising. Oh, you mean like you do a fake box yourself?

Um, so. With something in it that's maybe a blender?

Leslie's nephew, Colin, who I can't think of a good, oh, Colin Cronut. There we go.

Colin Cronut. Um, he used to be a little asshole.

And when I, I'm not exaggerating, I mean, he was a little fucking asshole.

Like I want to beat the shit out of this kid. Oh boy.

So one year... You're listening, Colin. Yeah. You know, I've told him...

He has beat the shit out of a couple kids as an adult, so...

The statute of limitations hasn't gone away, Jerry. With a Sears catalog.

With a Sears catalog. Ant service merchandise.

Joshua Scramble in the alley with the 1984 Sears catalog.

So I got like one year, I don't know how, but I think I like saved all the phone

books that were expiring.

And I just gave him books. But then I was a dick about it. And I taped like

gift cards in the last one.

So like he would actually have to look through it. and like he's like oh

another another phone book because we psycho it

was revenge jerry he was an asshole well

like my parents were mean but

they never did that like they never wrapped something that i wanted i and then

put like uh uh i don't know like books in there well it works out perfect because

i didn't want books nor did he which is why it worked out so he literally takes it and whips it.

And I'm like, you know, that isn't, that's a gateway to the world.

And so much valuable things are in there. I mean, access to businesses.

Josh just made a flinging motion like he was flinging a Frisbee.

I got Encyclopedia Britannica's one year.

Like the full set or just no, I would get like one a month.

I think one of my relatives, it's like, remember, well, again,

kids don't know this, but that's a terrible guy. Oh my gosh.

We have a, we have a cat causing chaos in here.

Um, did you, well, did you ever have an encyclopedia at your house?

Oh yeah. We had like, uh, we're like, cause he, back then people would go door

to door and sell. Oh yeah.

It's the only way you got them. I mean, yeah. So at my grandma's house,

we had like a whole thing of encyclopedias in the hallway on the shelf.

Oh, yeah. We did, too. It was a thing. I loved them. I remember throwing them

away. They're never going to get updated.

Oh, no. Oh, really? You did? I don't even know what they did with them,

but they were like, they were everywhere, and they were in everyone's house.

I guarantee someone threw them away. It was amazing.

They made a good fire one night. They became completely out of date within one year.

Almost immediately. Like Wikipedia came out? Almost upon printing.

Yeah, because they would be, the information would be. Once you'd get them,

the information was already like two, three years old. Yeah, especially in 91.

91? You're so young. Mikhail Gorbachev is just like, fuck every textbook ever made.

Because they're just like, here's a new country. We're going to do this now.

Oh, man. I wonder what they'd look like now.

The encyclopedia? Or Mikhail Gorbachev?

He's got that little mark on his head on the skeleton. I don't know about your

grandma's, but my grandma's encyclopedia smelled musty. Oh, yeah. For sure.

There were cigarettes going on. I don't know if it was smoke or just regular must.

Well, everything smelled like cigarettes. The pages weren't gold. It was just the smoke.

I think grandma's house in general had that weird old musty smell.

Oh, yeah. All the books, for sure. Kind of like this place.

It reminds me of your childhood, though. You could walk in there and be like,

oh, yeah. It smells like home. I'm 13 again.

It smells like home. If you let your basement sit with nothing in it for a year,

it would definitely smell like a grandparent's house.

Well, maybe we can bottle that. Sell it somehow. SoCoolShirts.com. Grandma by Fabergé.

Grandma and Grandpa's house. It's cigarettes and, I don't know.

The Flamingo cigarettes and regret.

Oh, God. Yeah, that just sounds, I don't even want to think about that.

Almost like a new book, but also a really, really old book at the same time.

Somehow, I don't even know. One that's never been read or opened.

You open it up like, oh, this is interesting.

The binding has its own smell. Yeah, yeah. This smells like petrochemicals and old.

It's weird the stuff you could look up in there too, right? I mean, almost anything.

You know what? Ours had, I don't know about yours, but ours had an anatomy section.

I don't know if he went immediately to that, like I did, because I was- Well,

it's in the A, right? They went by letter.

I had to know everything I didn't need to know, as I said it before.

Snoop over here. And the pages were transparent. So the whole system,

you could just flip a page. Just ignore him.

Like flip a page over and like all of your organs are now in your body.

Flip another page over and all of your circular scoring system is in there.

I forgot about the special section where it was.

December 20th. Do you decorate the house with outdoor lighting?

I don't. I'm the worst at that.

I am not my generation before me, as far as my parents and stuff like that. With decorating?

Yeah, I just don't. Inside of the house is decorated.

Outside, no. Oh, no. So is that you or Mrs. Bacon Burton doing the decorating?

She does a lot of the decorating.

Same here. Do you do any decorating? I help.

This is very funny i use that i use that wordlessly i also help i drink and

watch i'll make sure i drink and watch and help jerry pancake,

oh she did help me when i almost fell

off the ladder trying to get the christmas tree out of

there if you need any help let me know i'll be right over here i'm like oh and

then she looked around and she's like oh it looks like he got it so here is

the key jerry pancake almost killed at christmas i mean obviously i got stuck

up in that attic one time like car griswold,

similar i mean it's not as high you could

have jumped it i mean i don't

know i was scared and jen it's a big pancake was

not home and she

wasn't coming home for like five hours and i'm like this was a terrible

idea why did i come up here i think it was last holiday

season because i was going to put some lights up there or something

it's wild ideas and then

i got i mean it's just us why do we even have to do anything i don't understand

well i mean you have children and they're not children anymore well i mean there's

some they're still my children i mean but still mine are coming here your wife

your lovely wife probably want to create an illusion of a warm and an illusion.

Maybe just create a loving not an illusion you just play pretend that you guys

are a good family for one fucking night you know,

act like you guys like each other maybe just not the illusion but actually a

warm and loving Christmas is what I was going to say whereas us the word you're

looking for is environment.

Well I just asked her I was like you know it'll help me because I'm really depressed

this time of year if we just decorated Thank you.

She said, I don't care about it. But here is my question. I don't.

So to me, I have a very hard line of demarcation of when it's appropriate to

have the decorations going. Well, Thanksgiving.

Oh, you got to start and a stop time? I think that there are a number of people who don't.

Like a lot of people put their Christmas shit up before Thanksgiving.

I'm like, dude, you're skipping a holiday here.

Like I have my outdoor decorations. They might be up, but they are not lit.

It's a hard rule. Like Thanksgiving evening. You guys go extreme on the outdoor.

Not the last few years. Really?

Thank God. I want to skip all the holidays to summer. But then I don't really

like the 4th of July either.

You hate the summer holidays. I do. Jerry. You hate everything.

So let's get back to Christmas. Before we do, let me just sum up Jerry.

Summer holidays. Memorial Day. Fucking Memorial Day.

4th of July. Why do we need this extra holiday? What is with all the fucking fireworks? Air show.

Shit bags. A lot of shit bags. And then Labor Day, thank God,

it's almost over. That's Jerry in the summer.

Yeah. And then Halloween is a whole other.

Pretty next level here in Miller. You don't like Halloween?

I used to. When I was a child, I did.

I was scarred. He told me, he was like, Halloween's for children.

I'm like, well, I don't know if we can go on. But now I've come around to it. It's fine.

She doesn't make me wear, like, I was scared she was going to make me wear makeup.

He will put on a dress and a wig, but no makeup. No makeup. And I don't really

like the wigs either because it gets... You are a lying fucker because we've

talked on this show how you love a wig.

These wear plenty of wigs. Well, I will wear a wig. I love wigs.

We're getting off track of Christmas. Anyway.

December 21st. Chad Bacon Burton. I don't want to put you on the spot,

but what is your... Do you have a favorite Christmas song?

I don't. Actually, I like Christmas songs. I like to listen to them sometimes.

There's not one that you play?

I do a couple, but that's not my...

You're giving examples. It's funny because I do a lot of private parties and stuff.

I'll get a phone call at holiday time. My first question is,

do you want me to play holiday music? and they're like, yeah,

that'd be awesome. I'm like, cool, you should hire someone else.

I guess I'm not going to do that. Did the Bee Gees ever do a Christmas song? Oh, here we go.

I'm very Bee Gees curious on this Bee Gees cover band.

I'm Bee Gees curious. Chad Bacon Burton has.

I don't know if they did or not.

It seemed like everybody did a Christmas album. Back then, right?

Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, like every, uh, Burl Ives.

I don't know any Burl Ives fans out there. Who is Burl Ives?

Holly Jolly Christmas. Oh, that. I just love that you go, Bee Gees,

Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton, Burl Ives.

I feel like my grandma had that Burl Ives album out.

Everyone had that. It was Frosty the Snowman. Bing Crosby's Christmas.

I had like a Pavarotti one, I think. Oh.

Pavarotti. Look at this highfalutin guy over here. My mom was a very accomplished singer. Yeah.

At one time. Your mom was? Yeah. Hmm. Did she have a studio in her basement?

No, she sang in a basement. I'm not so sure that she was that accomplished.

In a basement such as this, back in the 70s, where it doesn't really have a

ceiling or a floor, and it has

a couple of walls, and she would sing in there, and that was her studio.

And she also did hair down there.

Okay. Getting off track. Hang on. Did she do hair as in like,

beautician or did she do hair as in like the musical like saying giving me a

perm as a beautician you can swing by any day of the week and she'd do the play for you like you know,

but she did sing in a band the singer in the basement she sang in a motown cover

band you were going with the hair but it wasn't it wasn't the musical.

She sang in a Motown cover band She would have joined The Ferrags on stage last

night She probably had a lot to say about that So what was the name of the Motown cover band?

I don't know It was with one of her cousins They couldn't have been good That

would have been a great name for a cover band I thought you said they were a cover band,

Alright off track Christmas, back to Christmas Well, I was asking,

what a favorite Christmas song.

If you have to, if you're gun to your head, like someone would put a gun to

your head and be like, what's your favorite Christmas song?

I like This Christmas. Donnie.

That's Last Christmas. Not Last Christmas. That's Wham, right?

Oh, it is Wham. I like that one. No, not that one. No, it's This Christmas. This Christmas.

All right. I have a Christmas question.

Favorite gift when you were a kid what was your like the most if

it was the 30 Nintendo games I

would totally understand so it's actually not a gift it's

really funny because I this is a curse yeah exactly no uh no that's the rest

of my life no um but no uh no so um I remember I remember being like 13 years

old maybe 12 okay and like the big movie at the time was like killer clowns

from outer space Oh, yeah.

I remember that one. So this is how cool my parents are.

So back then you had like a box office or a blockbuster or something.

You'd go rent a movie or whatever. You know, VHS tape.

So my parents rented this movie, and they thought all of my friends would love

to sit and watch this Killer Clowns from Outer Space movie because we had like

all my friends from school over.

And we're watching this movie. It's terrifying. We're all just kids.

Like, this is awful. All these clowns are eating people. They're in like cocoons.

And it's terrible. Can I assure you, I've never seen it. Yeah.

Well, we're all trying to be like super cool. Like, you know,

like this isn't scary at all. Like, oh, let's go do something else.

But yeah, so, and it was really funny. So all of a sudden, there's like this

knock at the door, which people don't knock on people's doors anymore.

Like everyone's like, who's in my fucking drive?

But back then, you know, a knock at the door was like, who is it?

Oh, I wonder who's visiting. Maybe it's the neighbor. Yeah.

Anyway, so my mom's like, go get the door. I'm like, you want me to get the door?

She's like, yeah, go get the door. And so I go to the door and all the kids are around.

She hired a clown. Oh. Oh.

This is terrifying. Brutal setup. This is a nightmare.

It was really funny because they didn't really realize that this movie was like

a horror movie that they got that we had already watched.

So they didn't even realize that. It didn't even make the connection.

You know, like you're like, hey, son, what do you want for your birthday?

Oh, we want to watch this movie. You know, we thought we were cool and we asked for this like

scary movie anyway this clown shows up and i open the

door and i they have pictures of like this whole thing but to this

day i remember it like i was like and all my

friends are like oh my god it's a clown like and she's like

comes in like i make balloons you know

and and it scared the

shit out of everybody like all my friends

you know yeah that's so it wasn't really a gift wasn't

really yeah it sounds like a curse yeah sure but what

i i'm let me go back a little bit did

you just say though that you asked to watch this movie for your birthday we

did because we were like kids you know we were like you know it's like it's

like the it's like when you're hanging out with all your friends you think you're

cool and you're like we should watch a horror movie or a porno but it wasn't

that but different because we were very young.

Same enthusiasm. And then it would be weird if like a porn star showed up at

your house after you're in sixth grade.

Now today, that would be awesome. Oh, hey.

Oh, hey, Ron Jeremy's here. Oh, my God. Weird. That's my childhood birthday.

It's weird that that's what made you.

My brother had porn at his sixth grade. Ron Jeremy's here at the sixth grade.

He's a subject to porn. No matter what.

Not really. We have a clown picture here. If you listen back in the history

of our podcast, it happens a lot. We have a clown picture in the...

Jerry's very proud of it but so i mean at what

point did your parents not read the description on

the video i mean i don't know i just don't think

they connected the dots they were just very sweet though that they

just wanted to give you what you wanted they just wanted you to have a good

time that's it and then also they thought maybe the extra bonus would be the

actual live clown yeah my dad was enjoying the shit out of it you know he was

like this is amazing you know His humor was like always the same as mine. Dark, just dark.

He's going to sit back and like, yeah, I'm going to watch this.

This is going to be awesome. Greets the clown at the door and slips him an extra 20.

This is if you scare the shit out of him. Act like you're from outer space.

Do you have any blood in those balloons? No.

December 22nd. Oh, here's one. This is not quite Christmas, but it's end of year.

Your favorite moment from the show this year, if you can remember all the show. This? Our show?

Your Miller community, or this show? Yeah, the Miller Morning Madness.

Yeah, your favorite moment from the entire year.

The Flamingo recap, all of that.

I know, that one was pretty top notch. Mine was that, and it was a very specific

moment, and it's the very opening of the show. The port-a-potty.

I got to go with the port-a-potty, too.

I'm with the pancake here on this one. That was such a shocker.

I mean, if you can be at a port-a-potty at Flamingo Fest. Start at a golden shower trend.

Yeah, all three of us have officially peed on this show. On air. On air.

On air. And you're not supposed to do that. Out for the world to hear.

We're not supposed to put that out. And the funniest thing is you might have

the loudest of all three.

I know. It was the most forceful stream.

But my favorite one was definitely Flamingo Fest 2, and it's the beginning where

I'm like, you can tell I'm drunk as shit. You were at the end of Flamingo Fest,

and I'm like, what's going on? Nothing.

What's going on? Nothing.

At the end of Flamingo Fest Sunday night, A very few hanging out.

It's a barren wasteland of shame and disappointment. Just saying. Going on nothing.

Country songs and bullshit. That was so fun when we did the rakes,

panties. I feel like that's where we kind of took a turn in the podcast.

To more Miller-related. Just a direction.

It definitely wasn't. And, hey, anybody's welcome to give us other directions

to go in, Cause I would love to call us, call the number.

What's the number or just talk to us when you see it. 219-200-4280 is the number.

So call that number or, or sext us. We know some people are listening.

We don't know really who.

We've had quite a bit with the advent calendar. So that's great.

Everybody is, we're starting. So like the big thing is you have to subscribe

or follow us. And I feel like a lot of people don't do that.

But if you do. Also, it's not that complicated. You could just press play on

the button that says play. On the website. And you can listen to it.

You don't have to subscribe or like anything. It is interesting,

though, also. That's too complicated for you.

There are people who I, like, expect. Like on your desktop computer, you can just hit play.

There are people who I expect I come up and say. Or your phone,

while you're on your phone.

Hey, listen to the show. It's funny. And I'm like, oh, no, I get it.

You're one of my friends.

But then, like, some people come up and said, yeah, listen to the podcast.

It was very interesting but funny. And I'm like, I would never in a million years.

Granted, I do advertise it for trivia. but it's just

like you actually scan the qr so many

people so many unexpected people look up

and then i'll be like talking to one of my friends like yeah

on the park oh no i didn't listen to that yeah like like uh i think which is

fine we don't care christopher robin it's not about unsubscribe he is a part

of the og hi christopher robin it's so cool podcast crew and i was like When

you come back to Miller and business,

he's like, why do I get this annoying thing every day?

And I'm like, well, unsubscribe or record something because we'll put on whatever

you record. I bet he just unsubscribed.

He probably did. You don't need to listen to that. Hey, Christopher Robin,

give us whatever you want to record.

You and YOLO do a Christmas sketch. We miss you. You want to come to Key West? We'll be down there.

I mean, Largo. Sorry. Key Largo. By the way, I'm totally looking forward to that recap.

We're going to do a live remote. Good.

Because, frankly, I loved the Cabo recap. Because we can bring this whole rig since we're driving.

Oh, like, just like the aquarium in the backseat.

The mixer is going to be running shy.

We'll have to put the mixer in the aquarium. It's only 2,200 miles, Josh Scramble.

You guys are driving down there? We are. You didn't know about this?

No. That way you don't have to rent a car. Oh my God.

It's. No, she's got the place rented for like a month or something like that. I'm just.

It's a two-day drive. You're not going to be able to do this in one.

Yeah, I've done it in a...

What is it, 27 hours? It's 22 hours. You've certainly not done it since you've

known me, and I guarantee you can't because you can't drive more than two hours.

Well, also, I can't. You are rocking the electric, so you're going to have to

stop every couple hours. I can't work for more than two hours without taking

a nap. Oh, so it's her whatever... Volvo.

Oh no it's like

a it's fancy but we'll fly no

i can't i i'm a two-hour limit to drive and then i gotta take a man drive longer

than two hours at a time and i am not joking if anybody is listening i'm good

on driving also the dark too we're gonna have to shut it down then i'm gonna

be i can appreciate you don't gen pancake wants to get there i have no patience for.

When I'm driving, I don't want to stop or hang out or whatever.

I just want to get wherever we're going and be done with it.

She didn't even want to stop in Georgia to get the boiled peanuts.

I definitely don't want boiled peanuts.

Have you been to a Bucky's before? I went there. Now I'm good.

Now I'm good. I don't need to go there ever again. Well, that was what I was going to say.

There's another layer of hell. I've never been there, but if I'm near one,

I'm stopping at least just to say again. I had to do it. I had to do it.

So we had to charge the car when we were coming back. If I know anything about

you, you're going to hate it just as much as I did.

And it's like the bathrooms are nice, but it is full on. It's a Walmart.

It's Black Friday Walmart.

It's Black Friday. It's madness.

It's madness. It's the same thing I say about Mount Rushmore.

If you're by it and see it for five minutes.

Biscuit, biscuit for Josh Scrabble. Biscuit for Josh Scrabble.

The bathroom, the shower bathroom is open for home number eight.

Or we have some clothing on sale and a pellet grill for $1,499.

They do have good chargers. Constantly in there.

Also, the brisket guys are dressed as cowboys and doing some sort of little

shimmy dance. Yeah, they're doing a dance.

While they're chopping up your brisket. So, like, that is, I mean,

if you're in the bed. Here's what I'm going to complain about, too. The sodas...

Are not on brand. Oh, you can get whatever soda you want. Oh, it's all knockoffs?

Knockoff. You can make a, you can make, they have like every flavor that you could imagine.

Yeah, but it's like not like, it's like the Mormons, right?

So cola with a H, A-H. Cola.

What's that drink place that the girls liked? Sip or something?

No, not sip. So it's not in Arizona. Sip, isn't it? Yeah, it's something like that. Do they squirt?

Mix their own 1,000 different flavors of soda but it's none it's not any of

the Coke or Pepsi brands that we're all familiar with it's the Buc-ee's versions of all of that,

and then you got all these kids are mixing a bunch why would you mix a soda?

Someone will fill in the blanks of this mystery you've never done that when

you were a kid? no I don't want to do that Dr.

Pepper You've never done the kamikaze mix?

The connoisseurs out there, you'll chime in on the flavors of the cookies.

Jerry is a fountain soda sommelier.

I just want one thing. Like if I want a Coke, I want a Coke.

What is this kamikaze business you're talking about?

That's what we used to call it. So, you know, like you used to go to like Burger

King and you would take a cup and you would like hit every single.

I never did this ever in my life because I'm not a psycho. I did it once when

I was a kid. Why do you want your Coke to taste like Dr. Pepper?

No, it wasn't that. It was just like, so you'd hit Coke, Diet Coke.

This is the lineup I remember.

Diet Coke? Coke, Diet Coke, Orange Sliced, Sprite, Dr. Pepper, Root Beer...

Oh, that's six. That might have been them all. Anyway.

This sounds like the start of the downfall of the Portage Middle School.

Well, true it was. There wasn't a lot to do in Indiana in those days.

December 23rd. It was the night before Christmas and all through the hood.

Nobody was sleeping. They were up to no good. Patrons at Flamingo with drinks

in their hand, while foolish drivers get their cars stuck in the sand.

Trying to break free, with pedal to floor, the vehicle keeps sinking, oh, so much more.

While they should be at home, dreaming in bed, they'll be seeing the car winched

out by a tow truck instead.

All golf carts are stored, no cruising for now.

The street's taken over by lazy snowplough One narrow lane on each road to be

had With potholes now frozen,

it's really quite sad When out on the sand there arose such a clatter Fireworks

and booms in the skies did they splatter.

Pancake checks out his fingers a flash Ranting and raving and calling them trash

Over on Lake Street, just north of the tracks Sit's warm Milla Pizza,

baking pies and good snacks.

Elsie and Lindsay moving orders with haste, with the pizzas they're moving, all of great taste.

Up the street there is scramble, quizzing the crowd. Questions are plenty,

but no phones are allowed.

Moaning and groaning, contestants' angers arise. The host, he just smiles,

loving the scald in their eyes.

Down at Well Street, where boaters go mingle, the kitchen is closed,

no burgers for Kris Kringle.

Though the sand is cold, no boat party to share, the sounds of shitty music

still ring in the air. From pitbull to country and techno between,

many skippers are heard but often not seen.

Yay captains of bold and boisterous behaviour.

Shut off your music, we don't like your flavour.

Just a short distance over on Wayne Boulevard, Ginger and Jeff tore their house down to shards.

Up from the ground rises a brand new abode.

Bedrooms and bathrooms with shiny commode. Skip over to business at New Shelby

Square Drivers not stopping,

not giving a care Cars keep rolling by the red octagon sign While locals with

sense keep losing their mind Hey you dumb arsehole With fury in expression Learn how to drive,

use some discretion With the driver still moving,

no lesson learned The local shakes their head, their ego still burned,

As the hood quiets down, we go find some rest.

May we hug all our families in our warm, humble nest.

With one last thing heard, as we dim all the light.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

December 24th, Christmas Eve. On this Christmas Eve, amongst wine and cold beer.

Two circle shirts. And a new bottle of sunscreen.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, Scotty Skillets gave to me 12 clutch bagels. 11 margaritas.

10 paddle boards. 9 flamingo chips. 8 busting burgers.

Merry Christmas, M.M.H. We made it. Oh, my gosh. One take.

Meanwhile, just up the street, a community theater.

Hey,

we need to leave the neighborhood right now.

Well, to all our loyal Miller Morning Madhouse listeners, we came, we saw, we advented.

A special shout out to our friends at Indy Indy Bang Bang.

Please go check them out down on Lake Street, even outside of the holiday seasons.

They always have great gifts and things to purchase even for yourself.

Also check out so cool shirts.com even

though the bogo sale will not be lasting much longer please see

if you can find anything on there that fits your needs if you're

not finding it maybe you're looking for the wrong stuff to our

friend chad bacon burton thank you thank you thank you for your contributions

and your time you are a master amongst men please check him out around the area

as we've said playing solo with the ramos band or his wife nicole garza and

finally the All in Just Trivia the last Friday of every month from January to April.

We are looking forward to our next game always.

Have a safe holidays, Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.