Advent 2025 E15 - The Elf, Diddy, and Carlin...

Just for you a micro-dose of smart-ass notes to listen while it snows,

December 15th. Elf on the Shelf. What the fuck is the deal with the Elf on the

Shelf? I kind of get it. It's supposed to be spying on the kids.

Reason number 1023 why I'm not upset that I don't have children.

I kind of like it because I would make that elf do really dirty stuff.

I would not like it at all.

I can assure you. I like pranks.

But that's the best thing about the Elf on the Shelf is everyone taking the

photos of it set up doing naughty shit.

Cocaine. Yeah. But it's sugar. I do like those.

I mean, I guess we could do that right now if we wanted to. Because I'm not

going to give the Elf on the Shelf real drugs.

All right. Here's what I'll do for you. I'll get an

elf on the shelf And you can set it up Like Cause when you're up 28,000 times

a night Oh my god I just thought of an idea though You can just set it up What

if we got Jose Chile To dress up as the elf On the shelf I just had him I don't

think he's gonna do that He's got new independence He's MIA He's MIA He's in

the fantasy playoffs He's got new,

Confidence What if we just gave him A couple joints And like a 20 I think he

doesn't do the Doesn't do that anymore Maybe we tempt him To do them again Like Jesus Yeah,

Just like Jesus. But yeah, so.

No, what I want to do with the Elf on the Shelf, put it on a model train track.

And have that train rail. So just like the Melissa McCarthy commercial that's

out right now. Oh, that. I hate that commercial.

And what has she done? Like, she's a fraction of herself. I don't even know.

Figuratively and literally. Yeah. She lost a good amount of weight.

I don't know what this Elf on the Shelf commercial is, but he mentioned it the other day.

That it was annoying. About how outraged he was by it.

And I'm, I'm glad I haven't seen it. It's super annoying. Well, also, like.

What I have seen is a thousand Facebook posts about Elf on the Shelf.

No, because like the photos are funny.

Although like maybe, maybe next year's advent calendar we just do it.

What about the kids' reactions?

We, like, we don't see those. Dirty Elf on the Shelf's.

Romantics sponsored by. It's 25 too many. We haven't talked about romantics

in a bit, but. Well, they reduce their hours. Is it a Christmas topic?

Everyone needs a lover on the holiday. I guess you can get a holiday-themed dildo.

You could get gifts there. Here's what it is, and I steal this from George Carlin.

Looks like a candy cane. You get a dildo that plays, oh, come all ye faithful.

Oh, come all ye faithful. Oh, did George Carlin make that? He did.

He was talking about the Ten Commandments. I can't even talk about come.

How did he get dildos in the Ten Commandments? Because he was talking about,

like, thou shalt not cover thy neighbor's goods. and he's like,

bullshit, coveting makes the economy good.

If your neighbor has a dildo that plays O Come All Ye Faithful,

you want one too. Shout out to George Carlin.

Fucking legend. Can't even think about come thanks to the Diddy Dog.

Rest in peace. Jesus. Thanks to the what? The Diddy Dog.

That's not Christmas related. I know, I know. We're getting off topic.

Unless you want to freak off.

Well, I don't think you can buy baby oil on Amazon for Christmas because he

bought it all. If maybe it's peppermint scented.

Jen Pancake. And I really watch that. It's not about Christmas. Don't go into it.

But it's not a Christmas movie at all.

So what struck me. Well, we're here.

What struck me was like this. This guy's super rich and he's just waiting to go to jail.

And then he just lives in this fucking sad hotel room.

And I just thought, man, how the mighty have fallen.

Just like, uh, I don't know. That's not Christmas.

But I don't know if he was all that mighty because he kind of just tagged along

to the notorious. He was a nerd. Nerd.

He was Urkel. But if you look back, he never did, supposedly he produced the

albums, and I wasn't there, so I don't know.

Well, this doc will tell you everything you need to know. Well,

all I remember is back in the 90s when you saw a video, all he was doing was

doing that same dumbass, like, snapping dance.

And then his mouth was idle.

Well, we can assure you that he was on a large amount of drugs.

I'm not shocked by this. Still is.

Toilet wine. Did you see that? I looked that up. He's drinking some toilet wine

or whatever in jail. He has pink cocaine.

Not anymore he doesn't because he's in jail. Now he has toilet wine and he's

drinking it. It's easier to get drugs.

Is he going to get an endorsement like the Chirac vodka? What's toilet wine? Maybe.

Booms from toilet wine. No, it's like Annika toilet wine. He doesn't pay anyone,

I can tell you that. Well, anyway.

They're going away fast. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods This one

is just plain fucking stupid Coveting your neighbor's goods Is what keeps the

economy going Am I right?

Your neighbor gets a vibrator That plays O Come All Ye Faithful You'll want

to get one too Coveting creates jobs Leave it alone,

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