Advent 2025 E10 - It Was the Best of Times...

A micro-dose of smart-ass notes To listen while it snows,

December 10th Well, this was my idea, and then much to my dismay,

I realized I don't have one, and maybe that's what's wrong with me in the first place Have one what?

A favorite, like your most favorite memory of like a Christmas morning where

you woke up and you got exactly what you wanted and it was like the best day

of your life. I always did.

I don't believe that ever happened to me. My parents were divorced.

And then I got shitty stuff. Jerry to Christmas. Like a fucking...

I remember getting some of those meat sticks one year from my dad.

Yeah, Slim Jim. Well, you probably really liked those on account of your food

insecurity. Not when you're wanting a robot.

I know you want a robot, but sometimes you don't have fun. See that robot over

there? That's the one you wanted?

That's what I wanted? I got a fucking stocking full of Slim Jims.

Well, all right. Scramble, what was your best gift?

The one I think of the most on Christmas is so stereotypical, but it was a bike.

Really? I got two bikes. Two good bikes. Two good bikes.

Well, so when I was a kid, I grew quickly.

By the time I was in fifth grade, I was already like five, six or something.

I was the tallest kid in my class for the longest time.

Same. I outgrew my bikes when I was a kid.

I don't know why. I just love this bike. but it was mid-90s,

so obviously you know the color.

It was like neon, day-glow, orange, huffy mountain bike. It was a huffy mountain

bike? Yeah. Oh, all right. Let's just put it this way.

30 degrees outside, my ass put on a winter coat over my pajamas and rode it

around the neighborhood. Aw. Didn't give a fuck.

Same thing. Josh Scramble. I have pictures of two of the bikes I got, both BMX.

So before the mountain bike grades i'm older

than uh scramble and jen

pancake just i had a huffy 10 speed it was

red it was pretty sweet i fell off it had a huffy that looked maybe that was

like a that i really liked but it's not a core memory so i don't know yeah i

had a huffy that looked like um one of those motocross like motorcycles like

had the fenders yeah i had the big yellow fenders on it and then,

I got a Huffy. This is dude talk. I don't even know what any of this means.

BMX that had like gold wheels and blue tires.

Oh, I know what you're talking about. It had gears. It was a BMX,

but it had gears. So is this your core memory? Oh, yeah.

This was what we had before cars. Like I drove that bike everywhere. Josh Graham, freedom.

And then, oh, you can see what I got one Christmas,

which is also here Commodore 64 it's

not it's a fucking Atari it's not a fucking commie 64 as we used to call it

Atari and Commodore big battle with the computer wars Commodore 1 this is how

I know he was a rich kid because I didn't get it I circled this computer.

We had a shared family

computer like most normal people I got this after

the divorce because i was so insistent

yeah i was so insistent my mom

probably had to borrow money from like uncles and aunts put it

on a firm or layaway

which is formerly a but

the computer was like i mean what a firm used

to be it was layaway yeah it was

like four hundred dollars back then

and you just got a computer you yeah and you turn it

off and the memories are raised yeah we're gonna hold this computer for

you and you can pay us every week so i

would type on it a whole program for like

eight hours and play this stupid basic game that was in a magazine and then

i would shut it off and that game would be gone because that was all my mom

could afford was this computer but uh you still have it and uh all right yeah

it's right here right in the room Yeah, it is.

You hate Christmas, so obviously you had the worst gift. I know.

Like, I have no memory of anything that was the best. I really can't.

Like, I just hated every gift, I guess. I don't know.

I'm sure that's not true. But, like, I can't think of anything,

like, that I was just dazzled by.

I mean, I got a cabbage pan. What about clothing? I had two cabbage pan.

Who the fuck likes clothing when you're a kid? No, never.

I like the polo shirts that I got. Oh, yeah, because you were a rich kid.

My parents were awesome. Like, I said, but I was a weird kid.

Like, I just, here's exactly what I want, and here's where to find it, how much it is.

Like, this is what I want. And they always, like, they didn't give me everything,

but, like, you know, the good amount of it, they did.

Our dad would get us really crappy shit. I always got shitty stuff from,

like, the extended families that, like, you know, the obligatory,

I don't know who the fuck you are. Let's save that one for the next segment,

because I got tons of those.

But I'm trying to think. I mean, I can't remember anything that really, like, blew my mind.

Because I could care less about video games. I could care less about bikes, apparently.

I did get a Pink Huffy once, and I learned to ride that bike when I was four

years old. I remember that.

So right after you found out Sarah was a real high achiever at a young age.

Oh, I love that Pink Huffy.

Maybe that was the one. I got a Pink Huffy. It was like, it had a banana,

like kind of a banana seat. A banana seat?

Like not, but not really, I don't know, what is a banana seat?

A banana seat's like. It looks like a banana. It's like this long and very thin,

which is why it used to be called a banana seat. Oh, then I don't know.

Maybe it wasn't. Either way, I mean, it was very small. I was four.

Oh, yeah, I mean. And so, like, I remember when I learned to ride it,

because that's a core memory, because, or without training wheels,

of course, because, like, my next door neighbor had all these cars parked in the driveway.

So I just went, like, and held on to the cars on the bike, like,

while I was, like, pedaling towards the road. and then when I got to the road,

I just let go of the cars and went.

And I just knew how to ride it. No one helped me. It was just.

So you're just doing it on your own. Just did it on my own.

So I think the one year. And then it was freedom. Sweet freedom for four-year-old Jenny Pancake.

Oh, God. And then I was off. And I did all kinds of horrible,

bad shit when I was, like, very young. Because not really.

But you know what I mean. Like, I was immediately like, oh, where can I not

go to? I'm definitely going there.

Every single time. Sounds like when I got my first car. And kids,

this is how you get sex trafficked. I was four.

The one year my dad worked at McCormick Place for the Consumer Electronics Show.

He worked at as an electrician.

And that year we got a Betamax and Atari and every one of those Mattel handheld

games like the football.

It was a fucking kick-ass Christmas. It was like, and he get like,

dad came through all the vendors were like, we're not fucking taking this shit back.

That's going to cost more to ship it back than to give it to you.

So like my dad would describe working at McCormick place and he would say,

oh, we just plug stuff in and unplug it.

It's part of the contract. So he would get like $25 an

hour or whatever back in 1979 to

just like unplug and plug in like a television set or anything for the exhibit

but so the guys from Atari and Mattel like gave him a bunch of shit and of course

wrapped it all up gave it to us and that was probably a good Christmas oh it was great,

and Miller Community Theater but also if you know any singers please send them

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