Miller Morning Madhouse S2E2: You Can't Get There from Here...

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Welcome back to the Miller Morning Man House. Today's episode is the conclusion to the Sonic Temple journey on I went recently. As always, we would like to thank our sponsors, socoolshirts.com, the pious defying clothing from the eighties retro to Chicago and legends. There is something to fit everyone's body and attitude. And, of course, the Miller Community Theater, which is live with their brand new website where you can now buy tickets to the summer production of the Mad Woman's Late Night Cabaret playing July, and the twentieth matinee.

Visit them at millercommunitytheater.com, and that is theater ending in R E. With that out of the way, let's get back to the conclusion.

I just think about what filthy hotel in Columbus, Ohio where, like, these 50 year old savages are having this you know, like, a hotel party like you would have when you were 15?

I could tell you because I saw them. There was a Comfort Inn, a Days Inn.

Oh, yeah.

Right by the venue.

All the inns.

You could also paint the kids on-site in like a trailer.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's what you wanna do. Like the Indy five hundred.

Probably the Germans though, camping in But I would

say one of the most

So was it an old Ohio State football field?

No. It was in what they call historic Crew Stadium. It was a different college of some it was definitely a football stadium.

Definitely don't know enough about any of that.

Nor do I. I was just thinking of our Ohio State haters and like we were

Oh, yeah. I mean, they're hated.

There wasn't by

most And and beloved.

So the most on the opposite end of the spectrum, as far as attractive women go, there were some hot women there. One of the most interesting Younger

or older or mixed?

There were some attractive older women, some attract mostly younger, but there were some older, like, you could tell they've been rocking out for a long time.

Was the range of outfits for these attractive women, like, fishnetty, or

just It went all the way from I'm just hot wearing, like, some nice cut off jeans to I definitely wore this working at a strip club.

Or like a Lita Ford look.

Well, ironically, Alice Cooper's guitarist is very Leta Ford like, like, tall, blonde, hot, leather pants.

Full Leta Ford.

Well,

I yeah. It sounds amazing. I'm glad you didn't stay for four days, though. That just seems

I couldn't have that sound.

Wait. Wait. So Alice Cooper, everything great?

He was awesome. So, yeah, I after six hours of The yeah. So then but as the day went on, you could tell, like, people with more musical talent and vocals could sing.

Okay. So it was like just a warm up

The band before Warm up of Alice Cooper, like, they were a group they

were probably

in their fifties, but they were good. Like, they could actually sing and, like, knew, like, hey, this is what we call a melody. Like, it might be a heavier melody, but we do this. But Alice Cooper at 77 still putting on a hell of a show.

He still has his voice. He's well, I mean, I can believe he's 77 for sure. I can't believe he's still up there.

I know.

Yeah. He also hasn't drank in forty years.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, he'll live because he

was a that's a good tip. Another good tip.

He was a hardcore alcoholic for a while.

He'll live forever.

You'll live a longer time if you stop drinking.

But For the So most interesting person I saw, six foot ish brunette chick, wearing a sheer top with like electrical tape over her nipples and exes.

Oh, alright. I like that.

Wearing like a bondage y bondage y kind of outfit.

Also, I

mean, not And the gentleman she was there with was like a five, six skinny Asian man.

Oh, yeah.

But the funny thing was he was wearing a shirt that says the baby, and she had something on her saying the master, and he had like a like, what's like a Oh, boy.

Oh, he's getting pegged every

Oh, there was no question. Oh, boy. He's written more rubber than anyone I've ever seen.

Written more rubber than a, I don't know, drag race.

Could you assess who were they there to see musically, or was it

just So the biggest band

so they can just move

up freely.

Metallica. Oh, Metallica was the big band of the weekend. Like, Alice in Chains was supposed to open up for them Sunday, but they canceled because I guess course. I wanted to see them, but I'm like, I'm not staying another two days to see them. Yeah.

Also, it's not like Layne Staley's wasn't.

Was there any other

Big bands?

Yeah. That you would've been interested had you

been interested in massive crowds? Probably not. Those were the big three I wanted to see, but there were some big names there.

You said Suicidal Tendencies?

Suicidal Tendencies was there the day we were. They showed them on the video screen in the stadium while we were waiting for the other bands. I'm missing a bunch of them. But, yeah, I can I can look up the lineup real quick? We could probably Google it.

That's exactly what I'm doing. But I want there was a 100 bands there. Like, no shit. Holy shit.

Mean A 100 bands?

At least. I mean, there was four stages.

Well, four four days. Yeah. I mean, all day long. Twelve hour shift.

Yeah. It was you were clocking in early and clocking out late.

One one big question that I have.

Korn was there.

Oh. Oh, I would I would definitely go and

see them. They were there Friday, Thursday night. So, let's run down the lineup a little bit. Korn, Metallica, Lincoln Park, Rob Zombie, Three Days Grace, Alice Cooper, who else? Mastodon, Jimmy Eat World.

How the fuck were they there? I mean, I swear to God,

I'm ready. There's a place for them. No. That's

not. There's a place for them, and it's not at this concert. It's either. Chevelle.

Oh, I like Chevelle.

Bowel for My Valentine. The three six Mafia was there, which is also funny that someone who played the Porter County Fair was also at this festival. And Portage Founders Square. Yeah. Ministry, Insane Clown Posse, Who else?

There's some other

I've seen Ministry before live.

Seven Dust.

Not checked.

Testament, we saw them. They were good. Some chick was really getting down to Testament, by the way. Really? Some like fifties year old woman was just getting down.

I don't. I couldn't be the only one in the place.

No idea.

I couldn't tell you the song they sing.

I couldn't tell you either anymore, and I heard them. So, Hoobastank.

Good old Hoobastank. They're still around.

Guar was there.

Wow. Really? Yeah.

Did you see them? I did not. They were not playing the night we've fuck. That's their fortieth anniversary. Filter.

Filter.

Who else do we got? I think that kinda hits the really big commonly known ones, but, yeah, there were some big names there.

Did your high school friends enjoy this show?

Yes. We had we had a good time. But the funny thing, Alien Ant Farm, like, why the fuck were they there? For their one song that they didn't even write?

Yeah. That's enough.

Did any of your high school friends, like, have a meltdown of any kind or tell you some kind of, like, hey, Josh, it's good that I'm talking to you because I've been wanting to, like I'm getting a divorce, and I feel feel bad about myself. Nothing like that.

Quite the opposite. The funny thing was or, yeah, like,

some big revelation, like, I'm glad we went on this trip together because I'm I'm coming out and I'm gay.

Ironically, no, nothing nothing with the gay singer coming out. But when we booked this like nine months ago, he checked with his wife who actually I performed their wedding, and he said, hey, technically, we leave the day of our anniversary. Is it cool if we go? And she's like, yeah, go ahead. So we we went to a heavy metal concert the night of his anniversary.

Well, I mean

She probably had a bet a good night by herself.

Oh, yeah. I'm she took the day off. Guaranteed. Guaranteed. She

was like, oh, yeah. I'm gonna hang out at home.

Meat time.

Don't know. Put some candles on. I don't have to worry about this annoying Some

meat time.

I know Jen appreciates when I'm not here.

Well, you know, we live

in a one room house,

so I it's zero meat time.

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WSBR Super Beach Radio. So it was overall, it was

a good concert, but the event of the evening had nothing to do with the show. It was the letting out. So 40 to 50,000 people walking out of a stadium, obviously, is a lot of people, but most places, like, you go to a hockey game or, you know, United Center, Wrigley Field or something, they will have like roads blocked off so the stadium can exit. Not the case for static tempo. It's just like, once you left, was pretty much like a Figure it the fuck out.

Uh-huh. We Frogger, like frogger. Oh, it's no. You could have frogered the shit out of it because there were no cars moving because everyone's just at

a Oh, gridlock.

Yeah. We get out. I see one sign for a rideshare, and I'm like, okay, well, there must be like, that's the area. Well, that area is in the middle of a gridlocked parking lot. So I tell my friends, hey, let's walk a block or two down, we'll be able to get an Uber there.

Fuck technology. You go into Uber, and it's like, you can only get one in this rate, in this certain area, at that one So we go back, and I'm like

They got you by the balls.

Oh, the short and curlies for sure. So I talked to a security guard, who was very nice, and she said, Yeah, this is the lane, if you requested an Uber, it's probably sitting here standing still. I'm like, Okay. So, we sat there for ten minutes, and I'm like, Nothing's happening, and nothing's going to happen. And I'm like, Let's just walk towards the direction of our hotel, four miles away.

Uh-oh. And I'm like, at the very least, if we start heading that way, we'll get into an opening. So, we start walking and oh, and I was granted this interesting thing. My buddy's like, yeah, I'm trying to hold back from shitting my pants.

I'm like, man. Oh, no.

So now I've got this pressure on. I'm like, I've really gotta get us out of here fast without walking because walking's not an activity to hold a pooper. No.

No. No. It will it will help you poop. Another tip. We we had some good tips.

Butt sex.

There was no

darn shit. Yeah. If you have to take a shit, don't keep walking.

Get in

the car.

If you would have painted his face black and white like a jugular, they'd probably just, like, shit wherever he wants.

Oh, right in the road.

Right in the So we start walking, and I see, like, we're through one parking lot and getting into another, and I see this guy in one of those, like, modern day rickshaws, like the electric bike.

I hate those fucking things. It's so dumb.

Why would that be? It's like the electric

I don't know. It's always some guy that looks like he's homeless and fucking Well,

this guy didn't look homeless, but he definitely looked like he

maybe didn't shower?

Possibly. At that point, I didn't care, but I looked him he didn't have anyone in his cart, and it looked like he was going to, like, try and find someone. I'm like, hey, how far away can you get me from here for how much? And he's like, I can get you pretty decent distance for a $100. And I'm like, like, how far are we talking?

Because I want somewhere further away to where I can get an Uber equipment.

A $100.

Then he's like, Jesus. So then he'd said, well, I could get you probably three quarters to a mile away to gas station. I know it's clean for how many? He's like, how many do you have? I'm like, I've got three.

He's like

My friend has to take a shit really bad. He's like he'll pay anything.

He's like, throw me $20 a person.

Throw the shit in my ring, Chelsea.

Oh, yeah.

So for $20 a person, he starts going down, like, alleyways and, like, behind shit. No He knows all the secrets. Yeah. So we start getting to this road, and there's a line of cars waiting to get out, and he is he is pulling maneuvers that would He's

not a rickshaw. He can do whatever

he does. Intimidated a New York City cab Like, at one point, he slows down and, like, barely scoots between one car and another, and is missing, like, rearview mirrors by, like, a quarter inch. But, anyway, within three minutes, we're at the Shell gas station that is in the middle of a decent neighborhood, and I'm like, Alright. This works. And I'm like, Here's 80.

You got us out of hell. A singleton bathroom all your shitting At that point, I do the Uber, which finally worked because 10,000 people weren't overloading the cell tower, And it said, one minute, you'll be picked up. And I'm like

Oh my gosh.

But the guy's also like, hey. Can you keep an eye on my cart, man? I'm like, oh, you did not negotiate this in

the What?

What was he doing? Going in and get a roller dog and take a shit?

I think he was. So I look at my friend I look at my friend who had to poop, and I'm like, hey. The car's gonna be here in a minute. He's like, I could make it.

Alright. Well, that's a

good thing. So I look at the guy. I'm like, hey. Our Uber's here in, like, 90. Are we good?

He's like, yeah, don't worry about it. So we get in this cramped Toyota Camry with three larger dudes in the back seat, and we all kind of like exhale like, okay, we're out of that hell. Then I look And then I look at the three of them, and I'm like, this is why you always carry at least a $100 in cash on you. Going four miles, and we see people walking that were definitely at the concert because you see, like, small backpacks and rock and roll t shirts, and I'm like, you walked that? Although, I look at them, and I'm like, it's it's midnight, and we rode through some not dangerous areas, but, like, you don't know them, and it's late at night.

So I mean, four miles sounds far. However, I mean, I can't handle that

It was an hour and ten minutes according to Google

walk insane, like, where you're just sitting there and not moving at all. Like, I'd rather just walk at that point.

So But it didn't matter. Or take

a rickshaw.

But as the one as the one guy said, we didn't need a shower. We were covered in Vegas.

But not a but not

a Or covered in yeah.

Not a

shit You guys paid for the good the good porta potties, so you weren't at least covered in urine and shit. I'm too old

to be dealing with stupid stuff. Like, I don't mind sitting further back. I mean, if I'm going to see a show like this, I will never go to a music festival probably ever again. One and done for me, like

Not going to Coachella?

Fuck no. But again Burning Man. I also realized, like, my friend

I would go to Burning Man.

My friend has a much harder, like, taste of music I Invite him.

You'll never be able to afford Burning No.

Burning Man is like

I'm not going. I'm not You

can't afford it. You can't afford it. But, yeah, I also realized, like, my friend has much harder taste in music than I do. Like Oh, yeah. Because the drive out he drove, God bless him.

And we listened to SiriusXM Turbo, which is nothing but, like, heavy metal and hard And then the the concert of six hours of and then I heard normal hard rock. And then Yeah. Again, turbo all the way back. Oh. I walked in the door and I looked at, you know, miss scramble, and I'm like, do you have any Joni Mitchell as you could

just

at lunch?

Yeah. You need a a palette cleanse. It's a palette cleanse after Yeah. Some Steely Dan, Joni Mitchell.

I just need

to chill for a minute, and it was not not that.

It's just not that

interesting to me, but I had a fun I had a fun time. Enjoyed the show. Metallica was awesome. Alice Cooper was awesome. Rob Zombie had audio issues with his guys, almost I'm pretty sure he fired someone that night, but

Oh my gosh.

It was a fun time, but I never need to go back to Sonic Temple ever again. Well I probably never will. Didn't even know it was a Nor did I.

Yeah.

Did you go to music festivals back in high school?

No. Not at all? Not I've only been to a handful of concerts early in my life. Like I said, I really have to see somebody. You gonna get

I have never been to a Lollapalooza.

I don't want to.

I don't believe I have either, actually.

It's one, it's way too hot of the time of year to go. I don't like

multiple things happening at the same

time. No threesomes for Jerry.

No. But, like, on Lake Street, when it's like, oh, it's first Friday, there's 16 bands, you know, like, when the weather gets nice, it's like, I don't, like, I don't need I'm how can you see more than one band at at at one time?

They were staggered. It was staggered. But the funny thing was

You gotta run sometimes from stage to stage.

We're gonna go to the

And then But the funny thing was

Stage where the guy hangs anvils from his nuts. Like, what if he end up there? Did did they have any of that?

There there was no freak show stuff. Well, hang on. There was no official freak show No

official freak show.

That doesn't mean people can't do their own freak show.

So when we first got there, I was super worried. Like, okay, Metallica's headlining, and it's a football stadium. Like, people are gonna dig into their seats and stay there. But it was a weird phenomenon. Like, a band would go on, the crowd would fill in towards the stage, and then the band would finish, and, like, 75% of them would go somewhere else.

I'm like, and then the same thing would happen. Know what?

It out. Cause they wanna get their money's worth, so they're going to Yeah.

You're gonna see everybody.

I got my money's worth, and I didn't have to move for eight hours. Like, the people watching was phenomenal.

Everyone has different levels of getting their Which is fine.

Which is completely fine. I don't want I don't need to get groped or, you know, beat the shit out of an The rape rock.

And the rape rock. The rape rock. Yeah. You needed to go

Coming to SiriusXM. Rape rock. Where consent doesn't matter.

I can't even imagine a fest I mean, some of these festivals, I I think that I would be interested in, but that's because, like, they have every music that ever exists, you know. Like, some of these festivals nowadays are every band plays there.

Yeah. Like the Coachella.

Well, I mean, I don't need really know anything about those.

I was just so glad, like, the weather was nice. Like, it was perfect. It was 67 and sunny. It wasn't too hot. It wasn't too cold.

It wasn't raining.

Well

But it was a rain or shine show, so, if it if it was shitty weather, go fuck yourself. We're we're taking your money.

Yep. So I remember the one of I I and, again, I don't go to concerts. Even back in the day, not that many concerts. Those q one zero one jamboree, though, were pretty fun. I liked it.

The nineties were a different breed of concert, though.

I mean, it wasn't really I I don't know. I wouldn't even but there was just a lot of well, and the Braveheart situation Oh, yeah. When you're at the world on that hill is so much fun. I can't even Yeah.

The law of death. But again, your bones were much softer and your joints were not pissing

right where they stand there. That's my favorite thing about the world.

Get your giddy's girlfriend in your mouth. Is people Alright.

That's a good way to wrap up this segment.

Not quite the Sonic Temple you were looking for.

Or take the the Shitsha back to your own.

Take the Shitsha.

Take the Shitsha to Clarksville. On the next Miller Morning Madhouse. The Iraq is soon to be no longer.

Well, you know.

All you guys do is just sit up

there and talk about how fucking cool you are.