Miller Morning Madhouse S1E8: Bathrooms and Backdrafts...
All you
Josh Scramble:guys do is just sit up there
SoCool Girl:and talk about how fucking cool you are.
Josh Scramble:WSPR Superreach Radio, the best station between Rush and River. What
Tim Robinson:the fuck did I do? Luca, Luca. Yes, miss Tullane.
Jen Pancake:Just tell me what happened here.
Tim Robinson:I fucked up. That's what happened. I fucked up. I found a guy who looks just like Dave who can take huge dumps, so people would think Dave was taking huge dumps. Why did you do that?
Tim Robinson:I don't know. I mean, ultimately, I guess I wanted people to think Dave was taking huge embarrassing dumps. If I had to come up with a reason, that would be it. And honestly honestly, that might be it.
Jen Pancake:This guy barely looks like Dave.
Josh Scramble:From the back, he does. When he hugs along crab walks, from the back, he does. With all due respect, it worked a 150 times.
Dave:Oh my god. How long have you been doing this? What do you want me
Josh Scramble:In the morning madhouse, talking all that crazy energized, Pancake and a scramble. Audio breakfast with your favorite guys.
Jerry Pancake:Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Miller Morning Mad House. Big thanks to So Cool shirts for keeping us looking sharp. Don't forget this month all in just trivia is happening on December 27th at the Marshall J Gardner Gardner Center. I will see you there maybe.
Jerry Pancake:We are thrilled to have the amazing Jen Pancake joining us today. But most importantly, thank you, our listeners, for tuning in. If you're loving the madness, please subscribe, rate us, and share the show. And we are back. Welcome to the Miller Morning Man House.
Jerry Pancake:I am here with my brother,
Josh Scramble:Joshua David Scramble.
Jerry Pancake:Oh, do you have a middle name now, like a serial killer?
Josh Scramble:Yeah. After last episode, I was inspired. Sorry. I'm past recording.
Jerry Pancake:Well, we can all be serial killers someday, hopefully. And, also, my lovely
Jerry Pancake:wife, missus Pancake.
Jen Pancake:It's just pancake. Jenny Pancake.
Jerry Pancake:Jenny Is it Jen? I call you Jen Pancake Jen Pancake. Usually. Alright.
Josh Scramble:I would say if you if it was Jenny Pancake, it'd sound more like a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Jenny Pancake. Jenny, Jenny You
Jerry Pancake:know, that's the first and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang reference for all of you, old motherfuckers out there that would know that.
Jen Pancake:Who doesn't know there?
Jerry Pancake:Old people motherfuckers, though. That's not nice.
Jen Pancake:If you
Jen Pancake:don't know if you're listening and you don't know that, watch it immediately.
Josh Scramble:Same guy that wrote James Bond wrote Chitty Chitty Bang Theory.
Jen Pancake:It's a madcap case for me.
Jerry Pancake:It's not how I envisioned we would start this episode, but, hey. You know, we can say anything now, and we can talk about it.
Jen Pancake:To be a clue on the next trivia.
Josh Scramble:It was already a fact. Actually, it was already a fact in our question in trivia, I think.
Jen Pancake:Was it?
Josh Scramble:I believe it was. That shitty or who
Jen Pancake:I must have missed that.
Josh Scramble:The author of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Jerry Pancake:More like shitty, shitty, bang bang.
Josh Scramble:Or the porn version. Chitty, shitty gang bang. Shitty, shitty gangbang.
Jerry Pancake:It's a more of a anal type of situation.
Jen Pancake:Speaking of Anal gangbang?
Jerry Pancake:Speaking of poop, we should start the Yes. Episode right off with
SoCool Girl:with Soup emoji. Poop emoji. Yes. I was saying that I do have a poop story, and I was not the one doing the pooping. I was so it's more or less about, like, protocol for pooping at work.
Josh Scramble:I know you guys live where you work, so your poop protocol is the same. I avoid pooping at work like the plague. Like, I treat it like we're on a tour bus. Like, number ones only unless it's an absolute, I'm going to ruin clothing emergency.
Jen Pancake:Do you get penalized at work if you take a shit?
Jerry Pancake:Like, they keep track of how many shits you take?
Josh Scramble:No. But, so weirdly, that kind of hooks into the story. So I go into the men's room and go number 1. I don't see who walks in behind me, but they were definitely in a hurry. They go in a stall, sit down, and they are blowing things up.
Josh Scramble:I mean, clearly, audibly blowing it up. So it's nothing but, like, fart noises and a grunt or 2. And, like, right after a good ex expellation, all of a sudden, like, his phone goes off. Like and it's a very, like, pleasant ring tone, and it's like a and I was, like, almost I thought to myself, like, did your phone just congratulate you on, like, a successful poop? Which also may be a nice app.
Josh Scramble:Well, we're also also wondering, like then I thought Apple Health tracks, like, everything. Like, they tell if you're snoring, like, how long you sleep, like but there's no
Jen Pancake:take a picture of it so it could analyze sleep.
Jerry Pancake:Well, it's like with that cat litter that can tell if, like, the cat has a UTI or whatever. Pretty much. You just shit on your phone and then the app tells you if, like, you have cancer or whatever. Pooping at work, like so you refuse to do it?
Josh Scramble:I don't refuse to do it. I mean, it has happened, but I try to not. Like No single stalls, There's no yeah. There is no private bathroom. Like, my my old job my old job was, like, a single private bathroom.
Josh Scramble:I'm like, okay.
Jen Pancake:And also there's Shake your brains out.
Josh Scramble:Singles. Yeah. No harm, no foul. Right. But also there's no exhaust fans because it's a a big building, and it's like, yeah.
Jerry Pancake:So it's audible.
Jen Pancake:That's fine.
SoCool Girl:Like, you have to if you're gonna poop at my office, like, you have to time it right to try like, if you don't want anyone knowing that you're pooping or experiencing the side effects.
Jen Pancake:Or sitting on your phone.
Jerry Pancake:Yeah. Like, I won't do it unless it's, like, an emergency. And and even when I'm out and about in the public or let's say
Josh Scramble:Oh, that's that's a whole other realm of Yeah. Like No. Mail me
Jerry Pancake:a lot of stuff. True. What if I'm stations. You know? Yeah.
Jerry Pancake:Like, I could poop anywhere, though.
Josh Scramble:I'm not saying I couldn't. I'm just saying I try not to, like, mostly because of the you never know what the condition of the bathroom's gonna be.
Jen Pancake:Where's the weirdest place you've ever taken a public dump?
Josh Scramble:Oh, who? Me? Either. The weirdest?
Jen Pancake:Where you're just sitting there and you're like, I can't believe I'm just taking shit right now.
Jerry Pancake:So there was a, an Indian owned gas station, which I guess they all are. But, in
Josh Scramble:right next to the Robin's and the subways now.
Jerry Pancake:In Benton Harbor, Michigan where I it must it must have been a huge emergency where I could not drive back to the post office when I was a mailman. So, like and it was on a route that I that had nothing. So it was, like, the weirdest part of the town. Even when I had to pee and this is a terrible thing to admit, but I'm not gonna get fired for it because I don't work there anymore. But I would just pee in the middle of the street.
Josh Scramble:You mean, like, you mean, like, Derek at a party?
Jerry Pancake:Yeah. Like, Derek going to a child's birthday party. I would pee right in the middle of the street, and so there was no bathrooms, but it was a very it was urgent matter. And so I went to this gas station, and, you know, all the gas stations in Benton Harbor, you know, the people it's just like Gary here. You know, it's bulletproof glass.
Jerry Pancake:The guy the Indian guy's behind there, and I'm like You
Jen Pancake:got, like, a big wrench with a key on it
Jerry Pancake:or whatever? No. No. No. The bathroom, he had to let me behind the counter.
Jerry Pancake:Oh, no. Because the bathroom was, like, directly behind him and literally 3 feet from the counter. The door the bathroom door is. So Oh, no. The guy is waiting on there's people in there.
Jerry Pancake:It's a more busy. They're buying their cigarettes and lottery tickets and and Mountain Dew. I need
Josh Scramble:$20 and scratch offs a box of Marlboro Reds.
Jerry Pancake:Yeah. And, like, I you can hear because the door is just the door and and, like, there's just it's filthy in there. And, so I did it. And, like, I just decided, like, after I was done, I would just never go back in there ever again. So, like like because the guy's definitely gonna be, like, yeah.
Jerry Pancake:Some mailman came in here and just fucked shit up in here.
Jen Pancake:He did a paint job.
Jerry Pancake:He did a paint job in here, and we are not letting any even even federal employees lose their use this restroom anymore. But it's like in in these, neighborhoods such as, where we live and Benton Harbor, like, the gas stations don't have, like, a bathroom where it's, like, for the public.
Josh Scramble:Oh, true. Yeah. It's just like
Jerry Pancake:The city of Chicago. Try try having the shit in the city of Chicago. You gotta get a whole meal.
Jen Pancake:It's because you're walking there. Right?
Josh Scramble:No. That's also that's also why many of the alleys smell like it
Jerry Pancake:is because
Josh Scramble:it's actually in it.
Jerry Pancake:No. But, like, I I went to get my passport, and I'm like, oh, I probably could you know, they're like, it's gonna be a couple hours, and I'm like, you know, I probably could go to the bathroom,
Josh Scramble:I guess. So you went and got your password,
Jerry Pancake:and I went
Josh Scramble:through 2 customs.
Jerry Pancake:Went to a really fancy breakfast place that had single stallers.
Josh Scramble:Oh, okay.
Jerry Pancake:And there those are starting to be a thing now. But the restaurant, if you did not pay, you were not allowed to use the bathroom, and they had, like, a hotel key
Josh Scramble:Oh, shit.
Jerry Pancake:For the bathroom that they would give you.
Jen Pancake:Was it a hotel restaurant?
Jerry Pancake:It was.
Jen Pancake:Where I just got almost sexually assaulted?
Jerry Pancake:Maybe. I mean, there was this you maybe it could have been. It's right by the passport place. Oh. So, anyway, yeah.
Jerry Pancake:But as a mailman, like, you just sometimes that shitty bathroom in Benton Harbor is all you got or in the middle of the street. You know?
Josh Scramble:I've never gone anywhere like, you were asking the weirdest points. I've never gone anywhere weird. I did have to sacrifice a pair of underwear at the lighthouse small ones.
Jerry Pancake:Well, the good thing about that is you could get a replacement Oh, no. Right there.
Jen Pancake:Go right into the jockey's Well,
Jerry Pancake:jockey outlet?
Josh Scramble:Yeah. Well, pretty it kinda did happen. But, yeah, I was walking around. I'm like, something is not working out here, and luckily, no one else is in there. And, like, yeah, just
Jen Pancake:Some blowback? Backdraft.
Jerry Pancake:That guy that poor guy.
Josh Scramble:WSPR Super Beach Radio, the best station between Rush and Ripley. We love playing music, but right now, we have to pay some bills.
Jerry Pancake:Welcome to Health Care Kart 64, where racing to the bottom line has never been so fun.
Dave:I told you, boss. I was just here to fix that up plumbing.
Jerry Pancake:But Luigi, you can't put a price on premium care. Well, actually, you can, and I did.
Dave:You have been charging my known a $50 for a Band Aid. It's a game over for you. Pew pew pew. Pew pew pew.
Josh Scramble:Tune in to Miller Morning Mad House this Sunday for our exclusive segment, health care cart, Luigi's revenge. Because even in the Mushroom Kingdom, justice can't be outsourced.
Josh Scramble:WSPR Super Beach Radio, the best station between Rush and Ripley.
Josh Scramble:You were talking about the single stalls. So I rem you remember when, like, all those congressmen were getting busted for reaching under the stalls trying to, like, proposition any sex? Apparently, they were not at O'Hare Airport. Because you ever notice, like, in O'Hare Airport, the doors and the walls of the stalls go from ceiling to floor. It's like you're
Jerry Pancake:They do. It's a vault. You're very
Josh Scramble:It's the only place I've ever seen that, but I'm like, kudos to you. Like, true privacy in a public You're
Jen Pancake:not getting any public sex in
Jerry Pancake:No. But the weird thing is the ones at Midway are, like, super short.
Josh Scramble:So, like, the maybe they're just letting you know
Jerry Pancake:Like, the ones at Midway, I could we could be doing this podcast in 3 different stalls and just talking to each other and seeing our faces, and then they're but they're very high. So there's big and little. So they're very high for on the bottom and very short on the top. So it's like, you know, Midway is like the stepchild airport. Right?
Josh Scramble:Oh, it always has been.
Jerry Pancake:Even though it's more convenient.
Josh Scramble:Oh, yeah. Well, it's more convenient for us because we're on the south southern end of the world.
Jen Pancake:Where was that stall that you were just talking about where you were staying at? But you could just make icons to know that we're it was somewhere else.
Josh Scramble:Well, how do you is there
Jerry Pancake:a restaurant around here? And so let's talk about stalls. So if, Nick, if you're Nick, of the owner of Flamingo, if you're listening
Josh Scramble:Oh, jeez.
Jerry Pancake:Maybe let's turn that bathroom into a one Staller, like, a, like, a with a separate door because there's always so many people in there in the stall.
Josh Scramble:I'm gonna have to fire back at you.
Jerry Pancake:Refrain I
Dave:don't think refrain from
Jen Pancake:besmirching the good bathroom
Jerry Pancake:It's a good bathroom. Repute yourself.
Josh Scramble:I don't think you can insult the bathroom at all compared to what the bathroom was because literally is
Jen Pancake:true. That is true.
Josh Scramble:Flamingo, for those of our listeners who don't know, used to be a gas station way back in the day, and my grandfather actually worked there. And until, like, 15 years ago, it was the same exact bathroom. I mean, it was disgusting
Jerry Pancake:Like the one I used at that Indian gas station?
Josh Scramble:Much so. Very much so. And then when they redid it, they very much improved the bathroom. So I can't I can't insult the flamingo for their bathrooms.
Jerry Pancake:Or maybe just get one of those cards because you could use that card in the stall too.
Josh Scramble:Yeah. But the other thing would steal it. Like, any anything that's not in the Flamingo is probably gonna get stolen at some point.
Jerry Pancake:I don't know. Do you think there's a lot of theft in there? Seems like mostly nice people.
Jen Pancake:A lot of leaving your stuff behind.
Jerry Pancake:Yes. There's a lot of
Josh Scramble:So maybe it's okay.
Jerry Pancake:Puerto Rico
Josh Scramble:is the biggest lost and found in order to last year.
Jen Pancake:But don't go in there to look for it because it'll never turn up.
Jerry Pancake:Yeah. Yeah. And a lot of people forget to pay their bills too, so sorry about that.
Jen Pancake:Yeah. Unless it's a credit card. They have a monster stack of those.
Jerry Pancake:Of people that left their debit card there.
Josh Scramble:Really?
Jerry Pancake:Yeah. Because they'll open a tab for you, and they hang on to your
Josh Scramble:card. Yeah.
Jen Pancake:On more than one occasion, which I may have went in to ask if they had my debit card.
Josh Scramble:And Weirdly, I have always paid my tab there. I even thought I didn't one night. I went back one Sunday, like, it was barely even open, like, 11:01 or whatever it was. I walk in. I'm like, hey.
Josh Scramble:Did I pay my bill? And they're like, yeah. We don't show anything open. And I'm like, in my hungoverness, like, look at me rocking it last call, actually paying my bill and not being an idiot.
Jen Pancake:The 2 or 3 times that I went in to look for my debit card, I always found it somewhere later. So
Josh Scramble:In or out?
Jerry Pancake:Kudos. It's like kudos to you, and great job.
Jen Pancake:Not leaving it at the bar.
Jerry Pancake:We did have, a a a nice party that was thrown. Was it last last weekend? Tuesday?
Jen Pancake:It was a Tuesday tip party. Just the tips.
Jerry Pancake:Just the tips.
Jen Pancake:I know I know it's been over a week, and our memories aren't
Jerry Pancake:A lot of people were wearing, So Cool shirts for that party and purchased them. Thank you. If you are listening, you can go to so cool shirts.com for all your shirt needs.
Jen Pancake:It was a sea of tips.
Jerry Pancake:If we are getting to the point where probably, Christmas delivery is a Questionable? Questionable situation. I would say if
Josh Scramble:you don't have it in now or tonight would be your well
Jerry Pancake:Well, when this airs yeah. Yeah. It's definitely gonna be
Josh Scramble:The listening audience is shit out of luck if they are trying to get a So Cool shirt in time and need a reminder. Yeah. Well
Jen Pancake:Do we have anything to report from the just the tip party?
Jerry Pancake:It was well attended.
Josh Scramble:Well attended. I didn't well, I left early. I left it we left at 9 because I'm like
Jen Pancake:So did we. I don't
Dave:know when I
Josh Scramble:left. Lying motherfuckers right now.
Jen Pancake:In our mind, we did.
Jerry Pancake:I don't know when I left.
Josh Scramble:You were
Josh Scramble:having a good time, though.
Jerry Pancake:And, I had half of a calzone, but oh, jeez. It was a rough I had a meeting in the morning that I had to present, and, you know, I did a good job, let's say. But it was a blur.
Jen Pancake:You're you're off.
Jerry Pancake:The meeting was a blur as well.
Jen Pancake:Gonna be a lot more enthusiastic when you're
Dave:still drunk.
Josh Scramble:So cool shirts. Maybe that should be the next shirt. I'm powered by Miller Lite and calzones.
Jerry Pancake:Miller Lite and calzones. And,
Jen Pancake:so Or I might still be drunk
Dave:on the
Jerry Pancake:night. This meeting was great because because I was still drunk.com
Jen Pancake:There's a Bloody Mary in my coffee tag.
Jerry Pancake:I have to cut that out.
Josh Scramble:I I love I love Zoom meetings because I could be fucked up during
Jerry Pancake:Zoom. Sebastian. Is he drunk or just in a good mood? Most of the time, he's drunk.
Jen Pancake:Most likely drunk.
Jerry Pancake:But then later on that day, what happened was was. What it what do you call it? What's the false dawn?
Jen Pancake:Oh, false dawn. That is not, my phrase. Mine was mine always was the delayed reaction hangover, but who just someone said, oh, false dawn. It was Wendy.
Jerry Pancake:It was Wendy. Our our Our friend,
Jen Pancake:across the way, Wendy, said, oh, false Dawn, and I was and it cracked me up quite a bit.
Jerry Pancake:What's Wendy's last breakfast name? What would we how would we do what would we do for her?
Josh Scramble:Good question. I'm also trying to think of bread
Jerry Pancake:Wendy healthy. It's gotta be, like, a healthy kind of breakfast. Right?
Josh Scramble:Wendy granola?
Jerry Pancake:Yes. But
Josh Scramble:she is a big yoga person too.
Jerry Pancake:So She is. I don't know, Wendy. Well, give us a call. 219, 2004280. To report your last name.
Jerry Pancake:Us a voice mail and tell us what you want us to call you for your, breakfast name. And anybody can leave a voice mail, and we'll call you by that for the rest of the time that we're here in Miller.
Josh Scramble:Wendy Berry yoga or yogurt? I don't know. Yeah.
Jerry Pancake:It's Yogurt. Yeah. Parfait. Wendy Parfait. Parfait?
Josh Scramble:Or yeah. Wendy Parfait.
Jerry Pancake:Wendy Parfait. Alright. So don't call. That. Well, I like that one.
Jerry Pancake:It suits her, I think. But she came up with that term false dawn. And so it's like you think that you feel good, and then about noon
Jen Pancake:After you get a good big lunch in you
Jerry Pancake:Yeah.
Jen Pancake:Yeah. You realize you were just still drunk all all along.
Jerry Pancake:I was down for
Jen Pancake:Little Fleming.
Jerry Pancake:I was down for 3 days.
Dave:Oh,
Josh Scramble:wait. So here's how I could tell I live in Miller. So Tuesday, we had the just the tips. Was it Friday that we then had our gathering?
Tim Robinson:Yes. Yes.
Josh Scramble:So Jesus Christ.
Jen Pancake:Rough turn. Rough turn.
Jerry Pancake:Rough turnaround. I was still hungover at for on Friday. And then believe it or not, we also had another party, given at the holiday house for our friend Jamie, who I don't have a breakfast name for either, but she
Jen Pancake:turns 50. Jamie.
Jerry Pancake:What about Jamie? Birthday. Jamie Applesauce. Jamie Applesauce?
Josh Scramble:I mean, it doesn't really fit breakfast, but no.
Jerry Pancake:Applejack's.
Josh Scramble:Oh, Jamie Applejack's. Boom.
Jerry Pancake:There we go.
Jen Pancake:There it is.
Jerry Pancake:I'm good at coming up with names. If there was a job if anybody wants to offer me a job, just coming up with names for stuff, I'm in. Like, I'm ready to move on to another career. I'm already bored of the one I'm doing. So
Josh Scramble:Isn't everybody I mean, like, 99.9% of people are done are bored with their career.
Jen Pancake:Only am I bored, I actively hate it.
Josh Scramble:That's 99 point 5% of people.
Jen Pancake:Bored and busy. It's,
Jerry Pancake:horrible time. A mailman that has to poop really bad
Jen Pancake:That's true.
Jerry Pancake:That's true. Gas station while people are just buying, like
Josh Scramble:Since we're bringing up cereal, though, the my favorite 22 ounce ouncers. My absolute favorite point of the entire gathering Friday was about 1 AM when you were, like, just mystified and in love with French toast crunch. Right? So no one knows about French toast crunch.
Jen Pancake:We did we had no idea there was a a a toast crunch line.
Jerry Pancake:Looks like a tiny French toast also.
Josh Scramble:So for our listening audience that may not know, if you are at a larger grocery store that has a big variety of cereal, look around the Cinnamon Toast Crunch area, and you will find what they call French Toast Crunch. And it is like it is shaped like little pieces of French toast, but it's it's kind of like, Captain Crunch. It will will rip the roof off of your mouth, though, if
Jerry Pancake:you don't let it on. It's and it's varnished. Like, it's shiny. Shellac. Shellac.
Josh Scramble:Shellac. And it does it looks like
Jerry Pancake:a it looks like a piece of plastic. Like, someone made French toast for a little, I don't know, whatever stupid doll, Harvey sized French toast. Barbie. Whatever stupid dolls that kids play with.
Jen Pancake:A Brat doll.
Jerry Pancake:A Brat
Jen Pancake:doll. French toast.
Jerry Pancake:If it
Josh Scramble:was for Brat dolls when you have to put a little cocaine on it because those, like, those Bratz dolls are
Jerry Pancake:or the Lowell's. The Lowell's. You'll spray some cocaine, and it just looks like how it shows up. Dolls are?
Josh Scramble:I know what the Bratz dolls are because those look like 2 inch hookers.
Jerry Pancake:I said, you know what? I don't know
Tim Robinson:what the
Jerry Pancake:Lowell's ones are just like
Jen Pancake:a head is 2.
Jerry Pancake:Cheaper version and sluttier.
Dave:And that's a wrap up for the Miller Motte and Murdhouse, the shitty episode.
Jen Pancake:This episode was pretty shitty.
Jerry Pancake:Brought to you by feces.
Jen Pancake:Poop dust.
SoCool Girl:All you guys do is just sit
SoCool Girl:up there and talk about how fucking cool you are.
Barack Obama:Miller Beach, this is your president. When I'm hanging out at Flamingos, I light a camel and put on the Miller Morning Mad House with Jerry Pancake and Josh Scramble.
Jerry Pancake:Alright, folks. That's it for today's episode of the Miller Morning Mad House. Big thanks to our sponsors, So Cool Shirts, where bad decisions become great fashion. Check them out for your next questionable t shirt. And don't forget all in just trivia with Josh Scramble hosted at the Marshall j Gardner Center.
Jerry Pancake:It's the only trivia night where the questions are just as unpredictable as the answers. Join us if you dare. And a shout out to the Miller Community Theater also at the Marshall J Gardner Center where the local stars shine bright. Big thanks to the MBACD for hosting these awesome events and making Miller Beach the place to be. Thanks for hanging out with us, Miller Beach.
Jerry Pancake:We will be back next Sunday, hopefully, with a brand new episode, that is if we are not too hungover. No promises. But stay cool, stay crazy, and keep supporting the madhouse. Catch you next time. BAM's a BAM.
Jerry Pancake:What's a BAM? Well, you wouldn't even know.
Jen Pancake:Out with Do
Dave:you understand the words that are coming
Jen Pancake:out of
Dave:my mouth? No.
SoCool Girl:Although You speak it in English?
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