Miller Morning Madhouse S1E3: Just the tips...

All you guys do is just sit up there

and talk about how fucking cool you are.

WSPR Super Beach Radio, the best station between Rush and Ripley.

Hey there, Madhouse Maniacs. Welcome to episode 3 of Miller Morning Madhouse. We're calling this one just the tips. And trust me, it's going to be a wild ride. But first, quick shout out to all of you for all the incredible support, suggestions, all the tips here and we we we are incredibly thankful for this and we could not do this without you.

While you're listening, I've I've been forgetting this the first couple episodes or 2 or 3. Don't forget to rate us and subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It really, really helps us keep everything going. If you're feeling extra generous and you wanna sponsor or advertise on the show, hit us up at contact at socoolshirts.com. We would love to partner with you.

Welcome to the Miller Morning Mad House. I am Jerry Pancake with my partner here. Josh Scramble in the house. How's everybody doing after Jerry Clemens last night? That was impressive as always.

The man with the panties panty lines

for sale, not actual panty lines.

What what was the thing you came up with, though, that you wanted to say we that we missed the joke on completely?

I can't believe I missed it, but Jerry Clemons' favorite note to play, the g string. Ba boom boom.

So as we're as we're progressing in the show, we we are trying to develop some segments, and we have some ideas, from my gay eye. Oh, gay eye. Chad GPT has given me some ideas, for some segments here, and, we're gonna just go into 1, Jerry Pancakes morning rant. Oh, boy. And this one's about, I ran into a tourist apparently who thought the steel mill was

a art installation. Like it was fake?

Like it was like it was just a piece of art, and, they were shocked that they were not they were escorted out immediately. And, I don't know. I I I think some of the Airbnb people are maybe a little unprepared.

Oh, there's no way they're prepared. Not not one way at all they're prepared for the neighborhood. Like, you know, that that's that, goat they feed the T Rex in Jurassic Park? Yeah. That is Airbnbers coming into Miller, not they we're sold a bill of goods that they have no idea what's going on here.

Yeah. You get, like, a bunch of pretty pictures and then, like, the Airbnb is, like, 68 blocks from the beach.

The drone video shot from a 100 feet above the roof. Lakefront views.

And, like, all these cute restaurants, but you can't take your family in there because it's smoking.

No. Yeah. The number of times I've seen, you know, obviously, a new family have no idea of rolling up like, oh, we're gonna have such a great night at the pizza parlor to only walk in and realize it's a 21 and over smoking. You are not allowed in because you have 5 kids with you, bar.

Yeah. I don't know if anybody knows this about Indiana, but, they don't give a shit about, nonsmoking at all. And, I think years ago, bars kinda had to pick if they wanted kids in there or cigarettes. And a lot of the bars here picked cigarettes.

Oh, well, I mean, the bars said, okay. We have to deal with some kind of little white things, mostly white things. I think we're gonna choose cigarettes over children.

Yes. Definitely, Indiana votes cigarettes over kids unless they are unborn babies. Sound in that case.

The only teens that Indiana likes are nicotines.

Perfect. But, yeah, they are wholly unprepared. So you see it, you'll you'll go by the flamingo and you'll see a family, you know, get pointed out of there, like, escorted out like they did something wrong, and then they will have to sit at this tiny picnic table with, their kids and, eat their pizza.

Watching every drunk in the neighborhood walk by. Yes. Right.

And then the alternative is if they go across the street, and they will be in for a different show there once they get through those security, and get Yeah. Patted down. By the armed police. Yeah. Once they get through that, they'll be treated to the loudest possible, DJ set that you could ever have during dinner or breakfast.

Well, true. They don't do lunch anymore, but it would be loud at lunch as well. So, Josh Scramble, do you have any tips for the the Airbnbers that may be coming here?

1, just probably don't come. If you if you have a family, just avoid it like the plague. Or if you're going to do that, just go to the beach, stop, enjoy it, go back home, and don't leave the house until morning because you're going to run into every fool on earth and

They will introduce themselves to you too.

Oh, yeah.

Like and they will pretend that they're going to remember who you are, but they will not because they don't remember most of what happens each night here.

I've lived in Miller for

blah blah blah blah blah blah years.

And let me tell you 16 facts about myself, and I won't ask you one question.

Yes. They're gonna tell you they've been here. They're generations of Millerites, and the the longer they've been here, the longer they're gonna talk.

Also, the louder. I've also noticed. Right? Your your longevity also equals the volume at which you speak.

You will not be able to get away. You will not be able to say, hey. I just wanna have dinner with my family. You you will be trapped. So we're supposed to be promoting tourism here, but just kinda know what you're in for with the Airbnbs or some of them are Airbnbs up here lately?

No. The way they're marketed for sure. I mean, they're there's they've got the like, Ansel Adams taking their photographs on their listing because, like, the the photo and reality are far apart.

The highlights, they don't show, like, the truck parking or romantics or polecats in any of the Airbnb literature that I've seen or any of the ads.

I would say that romantics isn't exactly the family friendly activity you're looking for unless you're a very fucked up family.

But if you're looking to get away, that is a place that you can get away and also be with other people that have the same, sick, perverted thoughts that you do. So it's like pervert cheers where everybody knows your name. But no one knows if you're a male or a female on the other side of the hole. Yeah. So there's that.

But Romantics has been a very good sponsor to us, and so we wanna thank them. And if you need to get away from your family for, you know, a good 10, 15 minutes, it is a it's a good place to go, and it's always packed. Yeah. The Christmas, New Year's, Thanksgiving Day. I mean, it's crazy.

Christmas Day.

Maybe maybe they should Airbnb romantics.

Oh, that would be wild. Right?

15 minute increments. Don't even need it

for the whole day. Just book out 15 minutes a piece. Like You'd have to have some sort of timing mechanism set up like a buzzer. Oh, you're not done? Sorry.

You'd still have to get out. You can finish in the parking lot.

Finishing finishing next to the container before you get to your car.

Yeah, man. You shouldn't have prejacked off before you came in here.

You need to come in here fully loaded. No. No.

I need to stop.

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Ripley. There we go.

So some reviews of Romantics. 5 star review 11 months ago. I enjoy visiting the theater. I always end up having a good time. The last time I was there, we had some live sex going on.

It was better than the movie. Don't forget the huffing supplies. That was my personal favorite, the huffing supplies. What? Swear to god.

What the fuck is going on there? By the way, business manager, I will not mention names. Hi. Thank you for your 5 stars. Hope to

see you again soon. So the manager is commenting on the reviews.

Oh, yeah. There's another one here. A one star review. Oh, no. This I feel like I needed to be TB tested after walking in the store.

The store smelled like dirty feet from the cashier being barefooted. Theater had a sticky floor from human semen. Oh, come on. Come on. You can't be discerning, man.

You're walking in here. I mean, what did you think it was? It's from a guy. Sorry. Luke.

A library? The arcade hall is also a storage place. The store is clean once a week on Monday nights. So, obviously, a regular if you knowing how often it's being cleaned and it's happening.

The schedule of cleaning.

No customer restroom. No in capital letter. So apparently, again, you do know that there is no public restroom. Customers are told to go outside or pee behind the trash dumpster. But you can jack off all you want inside.

There's a response from the manager. We apologize for the negative experience you had at our store. Thank you for bringing these details to our attention. We will address them immediately to ensure a more pleasant environment for our customers. Something tells me that Chad GPT might be the, manager at

Chad GPT is running that. AI is gonna run every adult bookstore before you know it. There will not be any jobs for people.

Oh, no. Except for blowjobs. Or yeah.

Any more reviews? 7. 7 more. Alright.

Well, hang on. So, apparently, Chris is always super helpful and nice. He's amazing. He's always cleaning too. Well, I think you would know why if you're a romantics.

His knowledge his knowledge of the products is amazing. A great place and a fantastic guy. So not only is he the manager, he's also a, a client too. Well, shout out shout out to Chris. Yeah.

Keep doing what you're doing.

I so I I've pulled up some photos of the store, here, and people have posted photos, you know, when they do a review or whatever. And there's just one photo of a guy, like, driving his car.

A selfie in the parking lot?

Selfie, and I don't know if he meant to post that. Like, hey. I'm at Romantics. Come Like, maybe come down here.

Like, maybe he had a couple photos and accidentally included the one of him. Yeah.

That's Oh, no. This is, so he has he just gave it a thumbs up as a rating.

Oh, I mean, there you go.

I mean, not bad, but, yeah, it's just it's unusual that you would wanna put your face on the on there, but I don't know. I I there was one review that I'm trying to find.

Well, we have another one that's

Okay.

Very interesting. The place is discussing in Ratchet since they got new janitors. So, obviously, another regular if you know they change managers, which is a bit of knowledge I don't wanna know. The only reason I still enjoy going is because of the older white lady who's the cashier. Wow.

Okay. She is well educated on all the products, which scares the shit out of me also. Makes the shopping experience fun and less weird. She needs to be promoted to manager. Other than her, I recommend other places.

Romantics had a man die in the booze back in the day, then kept it quiet from the media and everyone. Beware.

Oh, it's a conspiracy now. Oh, yeah. They might control the weather. In fact. Romantics.

We control the weather, and we're sick in that hurricane on, the south.

So do you think when, like, sales are down, they bring out cloudy days to get everything going? So

they are busy. I mean, I think there's 18 cars in the parking lot at a minimum at all times, 24 hours a day.

Here's actually, here's a challenge for for everyone in Miller Beach because, I mean, we pass this on a regular place. As far as I know, Romantics is open 24 hours a day. It is. Okay. If anyone can go by Romantics and actually get a photo of the parking lot empty, like, no one's there, I will personally give you $20.

I'll I'll raise that

by 20 because that that will never happen unless I even during COVID, I don't think. So I found a review here, and I think I found this one pretty interesting. This is Ashley s from Peotone, Illinois, and she has she's rated a lot of things, on here. So she it's an experience and has her photo on here, which I, again, find really unusual, and it says, this is October 11, 2019. It says, first of all, it's cool because it's right off the main drag.

But my pet peeve, how can one get a fuck in when dudes come by when they see the light on literally pulling the doorknob? I think I had to ask the same dude two times to leave the door alone. Couldn't even have fun or get off fully. Literally killed my man's bone and made me drier than the Sahara Desert in the middle of July. That is a real review.

Actual legit review.

I mean, I'm you can see it.

She's from Peotone, Illinois. Can I say the weirdest thing to me on this whole that whole review? She came all the way from Peotone, Illinois to get her fuck on in a Romantics interview.

Could fuck in a Kohl's right in Peotone. That's a

long way to travel.

Yeah. What's like, there's adult bookstores all all over the place down there too.

But, I mean, if you're trying to think of somewhere to get your kink on, like, I would think yeah. Kohl's? I mean Kohl's is

the Kohl's dressing room Well, plus if you fucking air,

it's ruined. Record it, they'll give you $10 in Kohl's cash.

You you will get 80% off plus $10 in Kohl's cash. Only you can use it, though. Like, 4 weeks from 4 weeks from now, and you'll definitely forget about it. Let's see what other ones do we have. Oh, a local, Kevin s.

Oh, yeah. 5 star review.

Kevin s is a big picture of himself, 5 star review. Chris is always super helpful and nice. He's always cleaning too. I think you read this one.

I think I did, but I didn't realize it was Kevin s from Hobert.

Yeah. Well, I mean, maybe maybe we'll see him on the beach.

Someone got some horseshoes. Itzel. That's a name. Oh, that's the one I write on. Itzel was the, reviewer who said it was ratchets.

It's a new, new janitor started, which still, if you know when the janitor started, romantics reevaluate your life decisions.

So, yeah, I here's a local here, Tiffany. Pretty awkward to view the vibrators right next door to the doors that all the truckers use to enter the theater and booths. I'd recommend a merchandise rearrangement. Other than that, decent place for a b o b replacement and not too far. What's a b o b?

I okay. So I'm not the only one b o b replacement.

Bring your own butthole? No. Like, a Bob must be some sort of, vibrator or something.

But, also, like, the discernment in people, like, you know, I just wanna pick up my

I don't wanna have to look at sex booths.

I don't wanna have to deal with

a trucker coming behind me, like, ma'am, you're in

a sex store. Like Like, literally, and there's truck parking literally surrounding it. So, like, there's there's a lot of other sex stores that are in better spots. So Classier ones. Yeah.

But it looks like they got a good selection of stuff looking at the photos here. Some DVDs. Who uses DVDs anymore? Are they got books? Erotic books?

What the fuck? Who the fuck is buying those? Like,

I'm reading a book, Mad Libs?

John put his mouth on her dog.

I mean, I haven't seen Mad Libs in a long time, but they definitely look like they got a lot of, dildos, pleasure, massage things. These are butt plugs. It looks like It is a line

of butt plugs. They

are jeweled. Plugs. Bejeweled butt plugs. Well, I

mean, that's the one thing that they may not put on the bedazzle commercial.

Here's the other thing. Like so these photos that are on, Yelp, they are posted by people that have gone to the place. Right?

I would have to think so.

They're not these aren't posted by maybe I mean, well, this one says romantics. And so the manager of Romantics has picked out this picture of penis pumps.

That one looks like a spray paint like an auto spray paint guy.

Well, they're trying to appeal to the industrial.

Oh, true.

The person here, you know, you work at the mill. You don't want your penis pump to be some pussy ass pink or or light blue color. A man. You want it to look like a like a a r a r 15. Yeah.

They should call that. That would be a oh, free cockering with all of these as well.

You know, I you know, it's funny, Jerry. I was in Romantics the other day, and I saw 2 penis pumps comparatively, good quality. All good. But then they said has the best best penis pumps ever. Glorious penis pumps, glory holes.

I like the max precision power pump, and it so I'm noticing here there's

precision? Like, what kind of precision are you using on a penis pump? It's got a big, like, industrial It's got a pressure gauge. That's what I'm saying. Like, is he painting a car or pumping his penis?

Like

It looks like it would hurt. And then, Uh-oh.

Better get Mako.

And then they have the beginners power pump.

The big wow. I didn't even know there were levels of penis pump.

And then euro, apparently, I'm guessing that's like a circumcision thing.

I think maybe the lettering on the label is just in kilometers. I don't know. It's like the BMW of penis pumps or something. The the ultimate pumping machine.

Hitler would use the Euro pump maybe.

Well, he would he would definitely use the third one on the Reich.

This isn't your father's old mobile home.

All you guys do is just

sit up there and talk about how fucking cool you are.

Miller Beach, this is your president. When I'm hanging out at Flamingo's, I light a camel and put on the Miller Morning Mad House with Jerry Pancake and Josh Scramble.

Alright, folks. That's it for today's episode of the Miller Morning Mad House. Big thanks to our sponsors, So Cool Shirts, where bad decisions become great fashion. Check them out for your next questionable t shirt. And don't forget all in just trivia with Josh Scramble hosted at the Marshall j Gardner Center.

It's the only trivia night where the questions are just as unpredictable as the answers. Join us if you dare. And a shout out to the Miller Community Theater, also at the Marshall j Gardner Center, where the local stars shine bright. Big thanks to the MBACD for hosting these awesome events and making Miller Beach the place to be. Thanks for hanging out with us, Miller Beach.

We will be back next Sunday, hopefully, with a brand new episode. That is if we are not too hungover. No promises. But stay cool, stay crazy, and keep supporting the madhouse. Catch you next time.

I'm a sexy, sexy old.

I'm a sexy, sexy old.

I'm a sexy, sexy

old, and

you know how I

Bam's a bam. What's a bam? Well, you wouldn't even know.

I would Do you understand the words

that you're talking about? About?

Do you speak it in English?

Bam's a bam. What's a bam? Or you wouldn't even know.

Out what? Do you understand the words that were

coming out of my mouth? No.

Do you speak it in English?